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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580794">Forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetIllusions/pseuds/SweetIllusions'>SweetIllusions</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Freddie Mercury Lives, I Don't Even Know, If you only read one work by me, M/M, Other, Please Don't Hate Me, Surprises, Worth Re-Reading</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetIllusions/pseuds/SweetIllusions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>So... I'm back with this.<br/>Because I missed this, because I'm stuck on all my other works, because everyone needs a little tenderness in their lives right now, and (not gonna lie), because this is the best thing I ever wrote.<br/>I still don't know what I'm doing, so don't look for facts accuracy.<br/>My head has been a mess since the beginning of the pandemic, and although I have a HUGE chapter of Roger's Diary on the making, I can't seem to find the right way to finish that. So I brought this one back to keep things going here, buy me some time, and hopefully make some of you happy with this.<br/>Chapter 5 is already (and still) on the way, so wish me luck! This time I want to give this a beautiful end...<br/>As always, kudos and comments make my world go round, so don't be shy!</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anita Dobson/Brian May, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff, Sarina Potgieter/Roger Taylor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So... I'm back with this.<br/>Because I missed this, because I'm stuck on all my other works, because everyone needs a little tenderness in their lives right now, and (not gonna lie), because this is the best thing I ever wrote.<br/>I still don't know what I'm doing, so don't look for facts accuracy.<br/>My head has been a mess since the beginning of the pandemic, and although I have a HUGE chapter of Roger's Diary on the making, I can't seem to find the right way to finish that. So I brought this one back to keep things going here, buy me some time, and hopefully make some of you happy with this.<br/>Chapter 5 is already (and still) on the way, so wish me luck! This time I want to give this a beautiful end...<br/>As always, kudos and comments make my world go round, so don't be shy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Freddie woke up rested as it hadn't been for a long time, had no desire to open his eyes yet, enjoying the dimness of the dark curtains and the stillness of the birds singing gently in his garden. He slipped a hand to the left side of the bed, trying to feel the warmth of his husband's body, but was not surprised to realize that Jim wasn't there. "He is certainly already in the kitchen," he thought, slowly stretching one last time.</p><p>He got up whistling an unknown tune, nothing that he or one of his bandmates had ever written,<em> It must be a new idea, I need to call Brian</em>, Freddie thought. His body, even aware of his illness, seemed invigorated. As if a good night's sleep could have eliminated all the stress of discovering HIV just months earlier.</p><p>The Garden Lodge was his sanctuary, he opened the curtains, slowly watching the garden view, the cold, partly cloudy sky, as if last night's rain had just appeared to water the plants and left some heavy clouds in the promise that it would return later.</p><p>Feeling his stomach make a small noise, he tried to remember when he had eaten his last meal, but for some reason, all the memories were a bit fuzzy. He could remember the last meeting, the final of the Magic Tour in Knebworth just a few days ago, and the chaotic return home with everyone's anger that it was Queen's last show. "As if we had a choice ..." he murmured.<br/>
<em>We finished up with a fucking golden key, that's all that matters!</em> He shrugged and headed for the stairs.</p><p>Freddie arrived in the foyer and found a strange silence waiting for him. No cats purring or meowing with all their strength, none of the usual jazz sound that came from the kitchen where her husband was supposed to be preparing a delicious breakfast, no out-of-key song sung by Phoebe. Looking closely, he could see the garden looked a bit abandoned, what was completely weird, because Jim treated those flowers like they were the real Queens of this castle.</p><p>"Jim, honey, where are you?" He asked, unanswered from anywhere in the mansion. The house was intact, maybe some additions made by Mary and Phoebe on their last shopping spree, but basically all as he had left at the beginning of the tour, but still something was out of place, and his heart clenched a little.</p><p>
  <em>He must be out to the grocery store.</em>
</p><p>In the kitchen, a haunting emptiness. Cabinets and refrigerator were like new. Everything was the same, and at the same time, everything had changed. This wasn’t his home… A desperate feeling of loneliness invaded his thoughts, he needed his people, his family.<br/>
"Marry?? Phoebe?? Are you girls home?" There were no signs of anyone at home, even the cats seemed to have disappeared.</p><p>If there was a trace of normalcy in his life and a source for all the answers he didn't have, it would be far from there with his royal family.</p><p>The phone rang once, too many times for someone who had begun to panic, Bri, you better pick up this goddamn phone. Twice. Thrice even, and his impatience grew with every wasted second. Suddenly, a familiar “Hello!” from the other side of the line.</p><p>“Brian, dear, I need to see you right now!</p><p>*</p><p>“Hello” Brian said, a little annoyed by the fact that someone was calling on his house phone, and not on his cellphone. Who still has this number anyway? he thought.</p><p>That’s when his heart skipped a beat. That voice, he hadn’t heard this voice in… 29 years.<br/>
“Brian?? Can you hear me, darling?? I need you to come over as soon as possible…”</p><p><em>I must be going insane.</em> His mind on a carrousel of feelings. <em>It must be a joke! A bad one…</em><br/>
Brian hung up the phone, his heart on a race, sweaty hands.</p><p><em>THE AUDACITY</em>! Freddie got infuriated and called again.</p><p>“Brian Harold May, how fucking dare you hang this fucking phone at me??” he shouted. “I need to see you, it’s serious! Be here in the Garden in 20, for fucks sake!” That was Freddie Mercury basically begging, tears starting to point at the corner of his eyes, despair on his voice. “And Bring Rog and Deacy with you!” was the last thing Brian could hear before he felt a weakness in his knees, his blood pressure dropped like a bomb.</p><p>He needed to check that out, Freddie was way gone, but… He couldn’t believe his damn ears anymore. Something was wrong, someone needed him, and his heart was screaming for him to make a fast move. “Anita, love, I’m going out for a few hours, don’t wait for me to have lunch, ok?” He said, quickly grabbing his keys, getting on his car and driving as fast as he could.</p><p> </p><p>Freddie’s house. He couldn’t even remember the last time he was there. Not even Mary lived there anymore, she just gave him the keys and walked away to live with her oldest son not even a year ago. He looked at his keychain, a small metal doll of Freddie hanging from one side to another, bumping on the steering wheel, on the back of the metal, the writings “Freddie Mercury 1946-1991”. Brian’s heart was confused between hope and fear. His best friend, his soul brother… He’d give anything to see him again. “Please, don’t let it be a joke…” He said on a prayer while parking at the Garden’s entrance.</p><p>Oh, the memories… The parties he witnessed there, the songs they wrote inside those walls, the loud music, and the life that flew from the heart of that place. If he closed his eyes he could still see the people dancing to all sorts of songs while Freddie’s wild laugh inebriated him.</p><p>At the front door to the house, he unlocked the door and silently got in.</p><p>“Bri!! You are here!” Freddie jumped out of the couch before even seen him.</p><p>When Brian turned to the left he saw the imaginable. Freddie Mercury, his Freddie, looking young and fresh, just like the good old days before the disease struck him.</p><p>They looked at each other for a long period, there was so much between them that needed to be explained.</p><p>“Bri, you are...” Freddie was in shock.</p><p>“Old, yeah… Life got me.” Brian completed, with tears in his eyes. “You in the other hand… Looks like brand new.” His Freddie, looking no more than 40 years old, unbelievable… He smiled through tears, gently taking Freddie back to the center of the room and sitting alongside him.</p><p>Freddie hugged his friend, feeling the familiar scent of his hair, slowly embracing the differences from this Brian to the one he hugged just a couple of days ago at the end of one hell of a successful tour. His mind was in flames. How many years had passed? What happened after that night? Where was Jim and everyone else? He needed answers...</p><p>“But Brian, wha-what happened?? I saw you a couple of days ago, we were in Knebworth for the last concert. I-I…” words finally failed him. What the hell happened to his curly haired young brother? What in the name of Jesus time did to him??</p><p>“Freddie, Knebworth was 34 years ago…” He said, calmly, at least that was what he pretended to be. Freddie needed calmness, and that was his job since 1970.</p><p>*</p><p>Roger. Deacon. Brian forgot to call them</p><p>“Where are they?” Freddie asked, eager to see his boys again.</p><p>“Oh Rog is going to freak out when he sees you!” Brian said reaching for his phone and calling Roger. <em>But I need to be very careful… The last thing I need right now is to lose a bandmate again</em>, he thought, turning his body to the opposite side for the first time since landing his eyes on Freddie. Roger and Deacon went through hell when Freddie was gone, an even bigger one than his own, and he needed to take care of them once again. First Roger, then they’d have to find a way to approach Deacon without being yelled at again.</p><p>"Rog, it's me, Brian. I need you to come meet me at the Garden Lodge, please?!" His voice was shaking, there was no way to disguise the tension.</p><p>"Is Mary ok? What is going on?"</p><p>"We'll talk when you get here, promise."</p><p>“I’m on my way!”</p><p><em>It’ll be worth, Rogie, I guarantee</em>. Brian took a long breath before turning his phone off, looking to a confused Freddie, both afraid that that moment would slip through their fingers on the next second.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A rewrite of the old version of this work. <br/>Roger and Freddie's friendship was always something interesting in my eyes, for me they were like real brothers, and I hope it shows here...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Take me to Garden Lodge!” Roger demanded Rufus, one of his sons, the urgency in his tone wasn’t something Rufus was used to. </p><p>“Get in the car, old man.” </p><p> </p><p>Though he only lived about seven blocks away and had done this same way about a million times, Roger felt something different this time, the road to the Garden Lodge never took so long. Memories of the day Freddie passed away came to haunt him.</p><p> </p><p><em> Don’t bother coming, ‘cause he’s gone… </em> </p><p> </p><p>Fuck, what he would give to have his best friend back. He looked at his son, the one Freddie named. <em>  You’d be so proud of him… </em>he thought, on a silent talk with Freddie, like the billionth ones he had along these 29 years.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re here,” Rufus said, parking his car behind uncle Bri’s car. Roger needed a minute though, he hesitated for a second looking at the entrance of Freddie’s old house. “Do you want me to stay?” Rufus asked, feeling the pain on his father’s heavy breaths. </p><p> </p><p>“No worries. It’s been a long time, and I hate this place, but I will be okay.” he said, getting out of the car. </p><p> </p><p>“If you change your mind, I’ll be home all day, just give me a call and I’ll come back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, son.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Years ago I’d be thrilled to go inside. I’d start the party together with Freddie, singing my lungs out and confusing those who never understood how much he meant to me. How many times have I left this place completely wasted? How many times did I stay with Freddie drinking the night away and waking up to the sunlight burning our skin? Now there was no life in this place, Freddie left a hole in our universe, an irreplaceable figure on our mental wallpaper. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Freddie was already at the door when he heard Roger’s voice outside, he made a few steps back to prepare himself for the moment. If meeting Brian was a complete shock, Roger wouldn’t be different. He didn’t know how to explain none of this, but he felt extremely emotional, and it felt overwhelmingly emotional, in a great </p><p> </p><p>“I’m here…” he said, completely unprepared for what was to come. “Freddie?” His knees became weak, it couldn’t be real. Freddie was dead, he died almost 30 years ago, that person couldn’t be his Freddie.</p><p> </p><p>“Roggie… My dear. You....” Freddie said, in disbelief, making a little run to meet his friend, throwing the weight of his body on that now fragile chubby man to hold him as tight as he ever did. For a moment the world stopped, time became insignificant, the only sound came from Roger’s heavy sobs on the arms of his Freddie. </p><p>Letting go of his dear friend Freddie couldn’t process the information in front of his eyes. Roger Taylor, the eye-candy of Queen, now a chubby, bearded, tattooed man that looks nothing like he used to, even tho he kept his sex-appeal. What happened to the blond mate he saw just a couple of days ago? Freddie cupped his face, rubbing his thumbs on Roger’s skin to dry up the tears that kept flowing. “Don’t cry, my darling. Please… It’s alright, Roggie.” Roger was stunned, petrified, analyzing his friend’s features, it was all there, every piece of the Freddie he remembered. </p><p> </p><p>Roger pulled Freddie for another hug, a strong pull, desperate to make Freddie feel how much he missed him.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa. Wow. You’re still strong. Old man…” Freddie said, trying to keep the balance with his friend’s face hidden in the crook of his neck.  “You’re still older than me…” Roger said, crying voice muffled by Freddie’s body. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t look like that anymore, but Freddie was indeed older than his bandmates… At least it used to be like that, but now nothing made sense, and their ages were irrelevant details. </p><p> </p><p>Minutes had passed ‘til Brian allowed himself to join his friends, he wrapped his boys with his arms, the three of them crying like kids, there were no explanations for what was happening, but right now everything felt right again.</p><p> </p><p>Roger was the first to let go of his friends, dizzy, confused and in complete awe at the image of Freddie standing so close to him. Freddie was young, 40 year tops, looking healthy and refreshed. That was not the last image he had of him. The last time he saw his friend Freddie couldn’t even feed himself, there was no strength on his body, Rog rested his fragile torso on his chest while Jim fed him with small spoonfuls of soup. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He is alive now.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“How is this possible?! Wh-What is happening here?? Bri, please, say something!” he asked, almost sounding aggressive.</p><p> </p><p>“What, darling? What happened and why are the two of you acting like I’m a goddamn ghost?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ‘cause you are!” Roger shouted.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you’re not!” Brian was quick to correct him, feeling the dizziness jump from Roger’s face to Freddie’s and back to Roger like they were both about to faint. “All that I know, if I know something in this life, is that ghosts aren’t real, and that nothing here is making any sense, and as the science guy of the group, I feel obligated to at least give you the update you deserve on this… last decades.” Brian tried his best to keep things as reasonable as possible, always keeping in mind that for Freddie it was August 1986, not September 2020. </p><p> </p><p>“What is the last thing you remember??” Roger asked Freddie, trying to understand where his friend’s mind was stuck.</p><p>“Being with you all at the concert in Knebworth, Deacy throwing his bass away to the roadies and the way he could barely look at me, blaming my personal life on all the problems we've ever had, the fight we had with the producers that were already planning a year-long worldwide farewell tour, you both losing your shits trying to not mention my problem to any of them because I have no energy to see those sharks ready to feast on my personal life… the usual, just another day in Paradise, darlings." </p><p> </p><p>"Er… well… it's been a while…," Roger scratched his head in a sign of confusion. He could barely remember what happened that day. 30 years ago?? Maybe more… </p><p> </p><p>"Then you remember what you told us when you discovered about AIDS, right?" </p><p> </p><p>"I won't be any AIDS poster boy for the press, I'm a performer, what I was born to do is to entertain, so, please, save me from the drama and just let me do my job until the day I die" Freddie quoted himself, letting every word flow with the same emphasis he used about a year earlier. Or was it more? </p><p> </p><p>“Talking about Deacy, where is he? Why he’s not here with us? Freddie’s question got Brian by the guts. After Freddie’s death, or whatever happened to him, John Deacon emerged deep into a depressive state, quit the band a few years later and never allowed his bandmates to get close enough to help him. Brian and Roger tried several times over the years to keep him close and protected, but it was impossible, so they just gave up, always wishing he’d change his mind and come back.</p><p> </p><p>“He left us...” Roger whispered, not wanting to be heard, maybe for the first time in his life. </p><p> </p><p>“HE WHAT??” Freddie screamed. “What in the name of God did you bitches do to him?? John loved the band… Was it another fight because of a song?? Brian, what did you do?” Freddie knew his bandmates, he knew that Brian and John’s differences would always create sparks, he had to put the fire between them down way too many times.</p><p> </p><p>“In fact, I did nothing this time.” Brian replied, with a rather inquisitive tone, clearly losing patience, tired of acting like he wasn’t as confused as his friends. “You did.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence, the kind of silence that breaks hearts. Freddie knew, by the surprise on their faces when they arrived, by the tone of pain on Brian’s voice, by the tears that didn’t stopped flowing from Roger’s bright blue eyes, he knew their pain was his fault, but he needed to hear that from them.</p><p> </p><p>“Just say it, darling, it’s alright…” he sent a warm look to Brian.</p><p> </p><p>"You left us, Freddie." Brian answered, speaking softly, fighting back the tears that were starting to come back. "In 1991, AIDS took you away from us, you fought like a true warrior, but it was stronger than you, stronger than any of us ... And it destroyed us ... It destroyed me." he emphasized. Demonstrating for the first time in years how much he was still injured, Brian cried all that he had not cried in the last 29 years. "We wanted to protect you before it all happened, we asked you to slow down and let us take care of you, but it was too late ..." he kept saying, finally finding a chance to vent his frustrations over Freddie's death. Unbroken tears flooding the space between them.</p><p> </p><p>Roger was isolated now, listening to Brian's words, staring at the floor as if he wanted to be swallowed alive. It wasn't long before Brian gave in to tears, heavy sobs coming from inside his chest. That was when Roger realized that he would have to take charge of the situation.</p><p> </p><p>"We kept our promise, you sang until you couldn't sing anymore, the last few years from the last show until your last day in the studio ..." Roger paused with a deep breath. "Those were the most creative and passionate years we ever lived ... You gave us so much to live for, and then you were gone." Now it was Roger who lost control of tears.</p><p> </p><p>Freddie could only stare at his two bandmates with compassion, feeling every inch of their pain… </p><p> </p><p>"I'm so incredibly sorry, darlings… I wish-I wish I could…" suddenly, Freddie was flooded with a loss for words. "If I could take away the pain…" he whispered, head down, looking nothing like the confident Freddie Mercury they were used to. </p><p> </p><p>"We love you too, Freddie." Roger said, reading his friends' mind, petting his shoulder in a moment of mutual understanding.</p><p> </p><p>Brian May, Freddie Mercury and Roger Taylor, sat on a big old fashioned yellow couch, in the same order they used to sit during hundreds of boring interviews and press activities on what seemed like a century ago.  Minutes have passed since the last word was spoken, none of them wanted to waste time with explanations anymore. Freddie is alive and well, and that alone filled Brian and Roger with the biggest joy they've ever felt. </p><p> </p><p>"What we're going to do now, Bri?" a very intrigued Freddie asked.</p><p> </p><p>"First we bring Deacon here, then we deal with the rest of the world." He answered. </p><p> </p><p>Freddie's stomach groaned again, reminding him of his initial urge that morning before all of this started…</p><p> </p><p>"Can you get me some food on the way back? Apparently, I have been starving for the last 29 years…" he joked, while Brian and Roger's laughs echoed through the empty spaces of that enormous living room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, here it is... One day earlier, because I'm anxious about this. The re-writing of the first chapter about Deacy! (there's more to come, don't worry!) His relationship with the band is something that'll always keep us wondering this and that, so I allowed myself to go wild on the imagination... <br/>I am very proud of this one, but I still need your opinions, so please, throw me some feedback, I need it!!<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"I think I know how to get Deacy out of the dungeon he calls home…" Roger said, ironically rolling his eyes to the challenge he was going to face. “Then, you go get all the food and drinks and come back here to stay with Freddie till I come back.” Roger continued, already calling an uber and leaving, but not without a last look on his best friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out to shop I go then… Freddie, you’ll be alright, I’ll be back  in an hour max.” Brian said, writing his phone number on an old post-it he found beside the even older and dusty house phone abandoned at the corner of the room “Any special requests??”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wine, vodka, you know honey, the usual... I think we all could use a feel glasses of liquid comfort.” Freddie noted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To eat, Freddie? Priorities first…” Brian rolled his eyes, knowing too well that he himself wouldn’t forget the wine even if he could.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you want, darling. It’s just good enough for me to have you around taking care of me…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you better believe that it’s my pleasure, Freddie…” Brian replied, carefully resting one hand on Freddie’s knee and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back soon…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what am I going to do in the meantime?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Rog forgot about this part of the plan…” Brian sighed softly. “So I think you can say a few prayers for him to come back alive, and with John by his side… He’ll need it.” he grabbed his keychain, sent a last kiss to the air on Freddie’s direction, and left the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I get to know that you and Rog hurt my child I’m gonna punch you” Freddie yelled from the front door, when Brian was already outside in the garden, he looked back and smiled at the threat. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I couldn’t hurt Deacy even if I tried really hard… He’s OUR child, you stubborn mess.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger found a black car waiting for him outside the Garden Lodge. A young driver, apparently in his twenties, was gentle enough to get out of the car and open the door of the backseat for him, closing the door carefully before going back to the driver’s seat and starting the car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to take any special route, sir?” the driver asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think I remember any, follow the gps and we’ll be fine, son” Roger answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a short trip, but not for a second a less emotion one than the one to the Garden Lodge, since the last reunion with John Deacon, almost two years earlier, when the idea of a movie was being considered, everything blew between the drummer and the retired bassist, there was no space for nothing but business, and even that part was being a real pain in Queen’s royal ass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stopping by at John’s door was, above all, an act of bravery. Courage was required from him in a way that he couldn’t start to explain. There were fights that couldn’t be forgotten, words that couldn’t be unsaid and a lifetime of unfinished business from what was once a beautiful friendship between two youngsters to that unstoppable rage between two elders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How do I tell him what happened? How do I explain something that seems like a mind trick after all these years? </span>
  </em>
  <span>His mind wondered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He already hates me, he thinks I’m a bloody opportunist for keeping Queen alive without Freddie, but the truth is that keeping it alive kept me sane, if it wasn’t for that courage Brian and I had, our lives would’ve ended years ago…</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to keep a train of thought, lost to the road and the heavy traffic ahead of him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And who is John to judge our decisions? He wasn’t there, he gave up on Queen long before Freddie left, we were a family, we ARE a family, and he chose to turn his back on us, ‘happy at home’… What a joke. I know better, John Richard Deacon…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Suddenly he felt a glimpse of anger rise in his mind, it was always like this when he started thinking about the consequences of John’s retirement. The truth is that he missed his friend, they lived a bunch of incredible memories together, and nothing would change how much he cared for his bandmates, no matter how confusing things would get.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile in the grocery store Brian was also lost in his own thoughts. He got himself a shopping cart not knowing exactly what to buy, circling around between the enormous ailes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What people that came back from the dead like to eat? Freddie is far from a zombie, but what would he like to eat? Brains?</span>
  </em>
  <span> he joked, smiling for himself, more on an internal effort to don’t let his doubts get the best of him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Geez, I forgot what his favorite meal is… We used to have countless dinners together at his place or at mine, and now I simply forgot what in this goddamn place will please Freddie Mercury’s refined taste. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What a terrible friend I became…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“</span>
  </em>
  <span>And still, he came back to me…” he left out an inaudible whisper, relief and fear mixed up on his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Roger arrived at John’s house around noon. The big house, still quite modest for an old rockstar, seemed dark from the outside, with all the windows closed and the heavy dark red bricks giving it an old style, very typical from that part of town. He crossed the gateway carefully, observing the big cherry trees charmingly adorning the way and knocked at the door playfully, to the beats of “We Will Rock You”, something that would make John recognize who was at the door right away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck…” Roger could hear a small murmur from the other side of the door and he made it very clear. “I heard that, you old grumpy wanker!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First of all, watch your mouth, Robert’s kids are upstairs!” John responded, opening the door and making a small gesture for Roger to go inside. “Second, I thought you said you’d leave me alone for good, what made you change your mind?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>John was different than the last time they saw each other, his face was paller, his eyes were profound with the signs of a lifetime of insomnia, his hair was basically gone, the only thing they had in common since Roger’s own hair was slowly giving up on him. Roger could feel a familiar scent of alcohol coming from John’s breath, but decided to ignore it. Who was he to judge if he himself could use a glass or two to handle this day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh- How- I-” Roger stuttered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s about the bloody movie, isn’t it? You are doing it even after I said I don’t approve of it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that, it’s just that..” Roger tried one more time, scratching his hands nervously like there was something crawling his skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck you and Brian and all the fuss that’s coming with it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you please, shut the hell up and listen to me for once?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No Roger, I can’t, because everytime I try to voice my opinion on something you and Brian shove it in my face that my opinion is nothing important, only when you need my signature in some cursed document that you come to me. I’m done with all of this.” the man stormed furiously. “I didn’t leave Queen because it was not important to me, I did because without Freddie there you and Brian…” he couldn’t keep talking, there was a lump on his throat, a lack for words that came from not knowing how to tell Roger he missed being part of that as a family, not just part of a rock ‘n roll band. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, you are even harder to deal with than the last time…” Roger took a deep breath, trying not to let anger win the battle. His purpose was to make the younger man happy, to reunite his family and leave all the hurt behind, why was that so hard to achieve?  “Ok, I know I stopped deserving your trust many years ago, I can live with this, as long as you stop being resentful and come with me. One last time, Deacy, one last time I’m begging you to be my friend and come with me to the Garden Lodge” he paused after naming the place Deacon hated so much. “I promise you, this will be worth your time, and I changed, I keep my promises now...” Roger was crying, he promised to take care of John, Freddie asked him to never leave him and to always look after the younger bandmate, and he failed... he was so focused on his own pain that it made him blind to the abyss his friend was jumping into. That was his second chance, he couldn’t fail, and nothing would make him give up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Roggie, what happened?” These words only made him cry harder. John had stopped using their nicknames a long time ago, and hearing his friend calling him like that again filled Roger’s heart with hope of better days for all of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come with me and you’ll know… There’s a big smile waiting for you, for us,  at the end of this tunnel, Deacy, I promise  with all my heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Freddie, I’m back, give me a hand here?” Brian shouted from the front door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh dear Bri, thank you!” Freddie said smiling just before he saw how many grocery bags his friend was carrying. “Did you decide to feed the people in Africa all by yourself? There’s more food here than they’re gonna need, darling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing in this house Freddie. You didn’t notice, as usual, but this is sort of an abandoned house now, and since you’re back, I decided to make his place feel like home again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are precious, don’t you ever forget that!” Freddie replied, taking some of the bags to the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"You won't let me…" he sent a blink to his friend, the gesture made Freddie laugh wildly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Poodle!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Surely your favorite one!" Brian responded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, Freddie opened one of the bottles of wine and poured them two glasses from the ones Brian dusted off just seconds earlier. Brian opened a box of cookies for Freddie to eat while he figured out how to turn on the electric stove Mary left behind to prepare them some pasta. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"To yesterday!" Freddie raised his glass up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"And tomorrow!" Brian touched his glass with Freddie's. Which made the other man take a deep breath and take a big gulp of his wine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"I wish I could undo all that made you suffer, Bri… 33 years passed away in the blink of an eye for me, but for you… You still have the same gentle eyes from the day I told you about my diagnosis, but these wrinkles… they tell a story that I'm afraid to ask you about." He said, trying to make a mental comparison of the two Brians, the one from his twenties and this one in front of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish we could have taken better care of you…” Brian kept looking at the floor, his thoughts were going wild with the memories of the time Freddie detached his personal life from his friendship with his bandmates, going to places that none of them would dare to go, being around people that saw him as a money sign, or worst, a phallic symbol covered in gold, and not the fantastic human being with all the insecurities and flaws his real friends knew so well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And do you think I’d have given you a chance to do so? My life was pretty much perfect darling, and the only thing that made me change my perspective was the look on your faces hours ago when you told me I…” Freddie’s low tone sent shivers down Brian’s spine. That last word had to remain unsaid, it was too heartbreaking to remember the state he saw his friend for the last time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When that happened I thought that was the end of me, Fred... I had Anita, and my children and there was a solo project planned, but I was empty. Queen was our Sun for so many years, and you were… You ARE the body of Queen. When you were gone, our Sun was gone. Rog, Deacy and myself, we were lost, we felt misplaced, loose, there’s no life without our Sun, and there was no Sun without you…” Brian was holding back the tears, he wanted to cry his heart out. Nothing made sense, all his years studying a little bit of everything known to men never prepared him to be face to face to Freddie Mercury in the Garden Lodge’s kitchen, sipping wine and waiting for a pre-cooked pasta to be ready just in time, </span>
  <span>everything was too overwhelming, both the joy and the sadness of all the moments they'd never have a chance to live.</span>
  <span>. The smell of tomato sauce boiling in the pan woke them up. Brian waved away a solitaire tear and turned his attention to the pan. “I think it’s done… I’m still terrible with these things, hope you don’t mind.” He said, spreading a good amount of noodles on each plate and pouring a vivid red tomato sauce on top of them. “Here’s yours, and the cheese.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Brian dear…” Freddie thanked, reminding himself the very first time Brian cooked for him. Back in 1970, in the early days between Smile and Queen, Roger and Freddie moved in together, to a one bedroom flat in Kessington, one day Freddie calls Brian for help “Roger just burned something, it smells pretty bad..”, the two blokes were starving and none of them knew anything useful about cooking. Brian had to go over their place to rescue his friends, even though his knowledge on this matter wasn’t something spectacular.  “I remember the first time you cooked for me…” He smiled with the livid memory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was our first rehearsal night as a band as well…” Brian seemed to be reading the same of their memoir. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>*** </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to explain anything before we get there?” John asked politely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like I could…” Roger whispered, loud enough to be heard. “It’s not business, that’s all I can say, Brian is waiting for us…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that a good thing? As far as I can remember Brian was never a big fan of mine…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because the two of you acted like such pricks towards each other, nothing was never enough… But I assure you he doesn’t hate you. He had all the good reasons to, but he doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…” John gave up arguing, a shy smile on his face and a mind flooded in memories, mostly good ones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fact that we survived the first decades working together and none of us went to jail or died before his time after a fight still amazes me…” Roger said, looking at the horizon, lost in the memories of his friendship with John and the other two men.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Freddie went away before his time…” the sadness is back in the conversation, showing up like a cloud on a beautiful summer day. “Freddie was the miracle, he was the pacifier, the glue that kept us together over the years… And I failed on him…” John left out a silent cry, avoiding his friend’s eyes but feeling Roger’s hand in his back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’d disagree with you on this…” Roger whispered, not really paying attention to what he just said, thinking about all the affection Freddie had shown for John along the years, and how incredibly happy he’ll be to see John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know?” John wondered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I KNOW, and that’s enough Deacy…” The certainty in Roger's voice calmed his heart for a moment. Nothing would make him forget everything they had been through in those last few years until Freddie's death, how much his friends basically begged him not to turn his back on Freddie when the illness began to hit him and how paralyzed he was that he couldn't help him as he wanted. Freddie made two requests when he announced his illness, one was that they would let him sing until he could no longer do it, and the other, made later in a moment of weakness, was that his friends would always visit him. He asked individually to each of them to, even on the worst days, never let him forget that they were a family.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The last time I was at the Garden Lodge was for his birthday party in 89 and I was so madly wasted I think I didn’t say goodbye when Veronica took me to the car… What kind of brother does something like that? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He thought while the driver parked outside that old haunted house that was once so full of life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Roger said, paying the driver and leaving the car, while John waited for him at the black front door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I have a choice??” he muttered in response, seriously annoyed, but also intrigued. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What is bringing us back here after all these years, and without Freddie?? There’s no sense in being here without him… </span>
  </em>
  <span>As he entered the gate and walked through the garden a strong flood of memories punched him on the stomach, filling her eyes with tears that urgently needed to run down his face. John walked slowly, close behind Roger, just in case he couldn’t handle his own emotions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Roger walked in front of John, guiding the way through the messy garden. From inside the house, a wild sound of laughter filled the air. For Roger that was a great sign, for John it was absurdly frightening, he felt like running away, backing up on this terrible idea, what good could possibly come from this place without Freddie anyway? He looked at Roger, trying to find the same sense of tranquility he felt before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Deacy, you can come in…” His friend still had the ability to read his mind and try to wave all his worries away.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The encounter that inspired me to write this whole thing is here... I'm quite sure it came to me in a dream or something like that, but I can't remember... I hope it's good, I hope it's sweet and respectful enough to represent all my love for John and Freddie... I remember crying buckets when I started writing this, ages and ages ago, so grab the tissues, you might need some.<br/>For the first time since I started posting here, I am two chapters ahead. This means this chapter and next week's chapters are done and reviewed, and I'm very proud of these babies! Gonna start working on chapter 06 very soon, and hopefully, it'll come out beautifully!<br/>I hope you like this enough to give me all the feedback you want, PLEASE! <br/>It means a lot to me when you make a comment, it motivates me so much, and in times like these, I really could use some motivation...<br/>I wish AO3 offered an option to let the chapter scheduled to be posted automatically, but I really don't know why I'm mentioning this, sorry, I'm gonna stop talking... Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The room was almost the same as he remembered it, all embellished in a classic style that Freddie made clear that it wouldn't change because it would never go out of style. The waves of laughter came from the kitchen, but before turning his attention there John let himself delve into some more memories. The songs created in that living room, the countless times he and his friends talked about life, the truth, and all the mysteries of the universe during nights that could last forever. If he closed his eyes he could still hear Freddie, somewhat drunk, complain that they had aged too early and that soon the shows wouldn’t be the same... And they weren't.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Roger just watched John slowly enter the room, being careful to keep himself within arm's length of distance so that he could support his friend as soon as John knew the real reason he was there. From where he stood he could see Brian and Freddie absentmindedly laughing and sharing glasses of wine, and by the sound of their laughter, at least half of a bottle was already gone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Is everything okay, Deacs?" He tried to bring John back from dreamland or wherever he was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Deacs!! You have arrived!!" A loud, high-pitched scream came from the kitchen. And suddenly, as in a movie scene, the world stopped so that John could absorb that sound with every cell in his body, when he turned to Roger he could barely see him, all that mattered at that moment was there, standing next to Brian at the entrance to the kitchen. Freddie Mercury, the long lost part of his will to live, was right there.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“F-Fre-Freddie??” He stuttered, trying to stay on his own feet while feeling his body turn into a mere half-empty sack of grains.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here, mate, I got you…” Roger’s voice came from far away, like a whisper from the outer world, but he could feel his friend’s hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to move forward, to get closer to Freddie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brian stood by Freddie the entire time, hand on his shoulder, mirroring Roger’s moves with John, but acting for different reasons. While Roger was doing his best to keep John from having a heart attack in the presence of Freddie and help him absorb the big news in the smoothest way possible, Brian’s mission was to contain Freddie’s excitement, slowing him down so he wouldn’t scare the already petrified John Deacon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let him come to you, give him some time to process..” he asked in a calm tone. Freddie wanted to run across the living room and wrap John in his arms, his John, with the same sweet eyes he met in a band audition only a teenager, now a grown old grandfather. Both men cried lonely tears in silence, hypnotized by each other's presence. Freddie touched Brian’s fingers over his shoulder, on a hint to let him go, since John was too shocked to make a real move, and approached the retired bassist fast, surrounding the crying man inside his arms on a tight hug while John could only bury his face on Freddie’s shoulder letting out desperate sobbing noises, hugging him back with all the strength his 69 years allowed him to have. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Deacy… It’s okay… I’m here now.” Freddie was also crying, part of him wanting to understand why he came back to his friends after almost 30 years and part of him wanting to forget all the sad details and just live the moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They love me, they missed me… Look what my absence did to my family… </span>
  </em>
  <span>An unexpected wave of guilt filled his heart, a sudden regret for all the milestones of their lives that he had missed and all the down moments he caused. He couldn’t understand why they were together again, but it felt so right, and looking back to the memories of what for him was only a couple of days earlier, he knew he needed to make things right with them, to make up for the times he pushed them away to live a different life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I promise!” he said with his eyes closed, getting used to the new, a little rounder shape of John’s body. “I promise to all three of you, that I’ll make it up to you for all these years, my lovies.” he continued, now looking up to Brian and Roger at the corner of the room, still not letting go of Deacon that now cried silently on his shoulder, also gesturing to the other two to come closer to them, needing the feeling of being inside the mothership again… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Home!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The tenderness of the moment, the realization that they would be all on the same page again, it was all too much, how would they restart? Brian, as the rational part of Queen’s body, gave the first step backward, away from his friends for a couple of seconds, contemplating that scene, and already wondering how much this would last(?). </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Things are not that easy, Queen has not been this same body for ages, Roger and I? Right, we kept the torch up and shining bright, but now we have Adam, and oh, he’s Queen too, we can’t shove him under the rug! And God, forgive me, but for the life of all that’s holy, don’t let the world know Freddie is back or I’ll be the one retiring to teach quantum physics at Imperial College! He’s alive, but he’s not back, it can’t be that real…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One penny for your thoughts, Bri?” Roger said, with his arms around Freddie and John’s waists, too happy to see the heavy cloud of doubts above his best friend’s curly head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing worth wasting this moment, Roggie, don’t worry…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>John still left out some sniffles and tiny sobs, not for one second let go of Freddie’s warm presence. That was the missing piece he cried about all those years, the reason he lost all the interest in that rockstar thing he only appreciated when Freddie was around. Going on stage only made sense with him, having crazy party nights only were good because Freddie was the light of every party he went to, and between Roger’s aggressivity and Brian’s know-it-all syndrome, the countless studio hours only made sense with Freddie backing him up at every silly discussion… Finally letting that door open all these years was starting to pay off, there was a light at the end of that tunnel, and this time it wasn’t a train coming to his direction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is everyone alright?” Brian questioned. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Between dead and injured, we’re all saved, I guess…” Freddie said with a mischievous grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess so…” Deacon wiped the remaining tears from his face,</span>
  <span>  letting go of his friend's arms and giving one more look at Freddie's smile before turning his attention to the others for the first time that day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This calls for a celebration then…” Roger suggested, showing up from the kitchen with a bottle of gin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll get the cups!” Freddie jumped from the armchair and went to the kitchen, coming back seconds later with four glasses in hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>While Roger filled their cups Freddie couldn’t ignore the sense of curiosity in the air. Those guys sitting next to him were the same ones he met during the seventies, and now they all were elders... even if his own body showed otherwise, the youngster of them was still Deacon, and his face showed the complete opposite. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So… Who’s gonna start talking?” Freddie asked, taking the first sip of gin, a world of curiosity about their lives burning inside his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Silence. Talk about what? About who? About Queen? There was so much to be said, and still, there were no words to begin to address the big flamboyant zanzibarian elephant in the living room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“About what? What do you want to talk about first, Freddie?” Roger replied, gulping the gin all at once, emptying his cup like that was indeed liquid courage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“About anything, Rog, any information you wanna give, I accept it…” he replied joyfully. “Let’s start with the children… How many nephews and nieces do I have now, you old rabbits?” Freddie made them laugh out loud.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh God… Let me see… They are... fourteen??” Brian wondered with a sweet smile. “But I believe you know all of mine, even if you only remember till our last concert, in 87 you met my Louisa, and she absolutely adored you…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I have 5 now… or are they more??” Roger tried to remember their names in his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sure they are way more than only 5, my dear, you just don’t know about them… yet!!” Freddie provoked him, bringing back to memory the countless times he caught his best friend making out with all the girls that used to drool over him at the end of every concert.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t that bad!” Roger scoffed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Roger, there were lines at the door of your dressing rooms, LINES. No dentist has such a huge amount of women waiting for him at the hospitals’ emergency rooms…” John pointed out, sarcastically.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And still, I wasn’t the one who managed to have 3 kids at the age of 28…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Those were other times, no one cared about preventing pregnancies inside a marriage, only outside…” John admitted. “And, by the way, now I have six…” he said, looking at Freddie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Be fruitful and multiply! God bless Veronica… She’s definitely a warrior!” Freddie said in a silly tone, offering to fill their glasses once more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“They are all happy children, really, all the 14 of them...That was our biggest challenge…” Brian let an introspective thought come to life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Three sad blokes raising happy children... Definitely the biggest accomplishment…” John agreed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m immensely proud of you, you rabbits! Cheers!” Freddie started a toast, a very emotional moment to the three observers that had in mind how many times they had seen that same gesture being made on the stage, for thousands to appreciate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To family” John raised his glass.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To this family.” Roger emphasized with the biggest grin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To the mothership!” Brian and Freddie said in unison, sharing confident looks between the four of them, just like they used to do over 40 years ago</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Two works being updated on the same day? I might have lost my mind... Or not, maybe I'm healing it. Who knows? The thing is that it's here, this chapter started being written somewhere last year, so you can imagine it's being a while... But I like it, there's a lot to be read between the lines in the story and I hope to always keep you coming back for more.<br/>As always, leave me a comment, point me a direction, I like those more than anything!<br/>The next chapter will be up somewhere in the next ten days, the idea is here, I just need to let it all out!<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>That was the start of a cold evening, and the house didn’t have one of the best heating systems considering it has been unused for so long, if it wasn’t for the high amount of alcohol inside their veins, they all would be shivering, but that was not the case. The memories, the laughs, the shared hugs from the emotional floods here and there, all of these kept them warm enough, these and Brian’s attempt on lightening the old hearth with the rest of the wood he found around the big garden to the case of a power outage coming their way. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And he did all of this with no help… Brian, if the apocalypse arises, I’m taking you with me!” Freddie jokes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No way!! He’s my property!! We’ve been together for so long, God knows without Bri around I’m absurdly fucked!” Roger replies, holding Brian’s dirty hand on a proposal sign. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“With or without me around, you being alive all this time is a bloody miracle, Rog, you’re basically blind since before we met…” Brian joked, setting the last pieces of wood on the fireplace.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“True!” Roger explodes on an alcohol induced laugh, almost falling off the couch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re too old for this shit…” says an intoxicated Brian, holding Roger’s shoulder right on time to avoid an accident.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You are, ‘m still as young as I can remember, Brian dear.” Freddie slurs in a reproachful tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh come on, just because your body is stuck in 86 doesn’t change the fact you’re older than all of us…” Brian replied, pushing Freddie off his seat to which Freddie just snorted cynically. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still the youngest, and I have to say I agree with Brian… We’re too old for this...” Deacon half murmured, half said, concentrated on observing his long time friends interact like it was some random night in the seventies. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’ll be rain… It’s a miracle!!” Brian joked with the fact that he could count on his fingers the amount of times Deacon agreed with him on something, and he’d still have a good bunch of fingers left… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It never stopped us, right?” Roger said, trying to regain balance and don’t spill the drink in his hand. “Age is a form of label, and we always fought against it anyway…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t mean we still can drink like it’s 75 and we’re stuck at Ridge Farm… Drinking there was a matter of survival, it was that or murder…” Brian pointed out, with flashes of angry fights coming to mind</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Those hideous rugs and flowered curtains deserved some blood stains, this I know… That’d be the final hint on that haunted house…” Freddie remembered, cringing at the memory of the old barn/studio and all the dreadful color combinations that he’d never forget. “That place was a nightmare… “</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Talk about nightmares, I still remember Deacy’s frightening moments, screaming about weird footsteps only he could sense in the middle of the night… Creepy!” Brian observed, making John look a little embarrassed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Those were not nightmares, I was wide awake, it was real!” John claimed, looking dead serious. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Even worse then!” Roger laughed. They all laughed for a long time on the memories of the three weeks they spent on Ridge Farm, living all together for the very first time, getting into each other's nerves and making each masterpiece of that album on sleepless nights, fistfights and boozed infused laughter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I still go there sometimes… To clear my mind, when I miss all of you…” Brian has a sad look on his face, after all, that wouldn’t last forever, just like those wonderful two decades they spent together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Glad to know you still miss me after all these years…” Roger sent Brian  a wild grin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss us as a team, the synchrony, the energy we had on stage.” John said, letting out a deep sigh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So why did you let us then?” Roger asked. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Freddie was…” John started.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m right here…” Freddie </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were gone. And we couldn’t do anything to save you. That stupid promise… We did let you sing until you couldn’t do that anymore, but then you died…” John said, trying to gather the strength to let his feelings out… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t, I’m here John!” Freddie sounded annoyed this time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let him finish, Fred, it’s important…” Brian reasoned. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I left when it started to hurt. When we were there for your last recordings I was already thinking about it, the atmosphere was too heavy, we knew we were losing you… And we did, and none of us could bear the weight of that.” John said, looking at Brian first, then Roger. “Being on the stage without Freddie killed me, it had no sense. Being at the studio with the two of you grieving souls while I was grieving just as much, it was dreadful… And on top of it all my mariage was on the edge, Veronica was so close to giving up on me, I couldn’t help myself... It was taking a step back from the band or…” John made a pause and looked down to his feet. The other three men shared an understanding look, but only two of them really understood what John had just said. “I felt like I was the one who had to leave, not you… Freddie Mercury, the biggest force of nature we all had the pleasure to witness, had gone and it killed Queen for me. You convinced me to stay for twenty years, after every fight you were the one patting my back and telling me to calm down cause that would be worth the struggle, and it was, Freddie, it was… Because of you!” John started crying again, silently separating himself from his friends and going to one corner of the room where the moonlight invaded the window and touched his skin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Seeing you leave felt like losing you as well, you know John? We needed you there... Brian lost his father and then Freddie, my life with Debbie was a mess as well, we would have joined forces if you had stayed…” Roger said in the lowest tone he could, just a little above a whisper, trying the hardest not to sound resentful, but knowing very well that deep inside that was exactly the feeling, resentment. . “We always had each other’s backs before we could hit rock bottom, it was like this since day one, it wouldn’t be different, Deacs...” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think that time we all needed rock-bottom, we all needed to lose ourselves to find ourselves again…” Brian said, also with a low tone, sighing deeply at the heavy turn the conversation took. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you? Are you all alright now? ‘Cause I really wouldn’t know… All these things you keep talking about, I haven’t lived them, I’m here and I’m fine, and I am not willing to go anywhere.” Freddie said, sharing his confusion with his friends. “It’s like I still know you all with the palm of my hands, but I want to try, if we are all here right now, sharing a drink in god-knows-the-damn-year, it’s because we still need each other. I need you all, and I need you all to want me back in your lives…” Freddie cried, sad and confused with all that was happening, feeling the weight of a thousand words that were left unsaid during their time together and during his departure hit him like a punch in the stomach. “Do you want me back to your lives?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing in this world that I would want more than that, Freddie, and I think Bri and Deacy agree with me... Be this real or a collective outbreak between the three of us, you are very welcome into our lives again…” Roger said. “And we’ll make it work just like we did before, as a family…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The four of them got together with Freddie on the big couch, sitting almost glued to each other, like on their first interviews when there was not enough space, and in silence they hugged their friend like all their lives depended on that.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay... I wanted to get this right, and not rush anything, since it's a delicate subject, but it's here and I'm proud of this!<br/>It's a short chapter, because I didn't think it needed more, it's right dosed on all we like...<br/>Thanks to @spacedust719 for proofreading and encouraging me to keep this up!<br/>I hope it's sweet enough for you as it was while I was writing...<br/>Leave kudos, comment, leave suggestions, they all are very special to me! </p>
<p>Enjoy the reading...<br/>Next update will happen in 7 or 10 days, you never know!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They all fell asleep upstairs, in Freddie's bedroom, Roger and John with him on the bed and Brian on the couch that Freddie had beside his closet’s door. They ended up there after exhausting themselves until the sun was almost rising. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brian woke up with his phone ringing, he jumped off the couch searching for the source of the noise in his pockets and luckily found it before waking up his friends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Brian Harold May, where the hell are you?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>the angry voice of his wife came on the phone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you cheating on me again? I haven’t seen you since yesterday morning...” </span>
  </em>
  <span>She questioned him and he got mute. How to tell her all that happened, how to explain to her that their friend that was dead for over twenty years is now in front of him, sleeping peacefully with his head on Roger’s shoulder? Anita adored Freddie just as much as all of them, they were good friends for a very long time, and if it wasn’t for his beloved wife he’d never have recovered from those dark days.  He’d have to find another time for that explanation… It couldn’t be rushed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Brian, I’m talking to you, what the hell happened? Are you alright?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Brian came back from his thoughts trying not to make her more concerned than she already was. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I’m alright, Anita, sorry love. There’s literally nothing to worry about, my love. We, John, Roger and myself, we came here to have a chat, and then we had drinks, you know we can’t drink that much anymore, so we all got hammered and fell asleep here…” he explained the best way he could without triggering suspicions. “Oh, we’re at the garden, by the way…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“THE garden, that garden? Mary’s... Freddie’s garden? Brian Harold May, can your majesty PLEASE explain what’s happening?”  </span>
  </em>
  <span>She demanded, in a tone Brian knew very well meant he’d pay for that later.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just three old mates figuring things out, love, nothing to worry about…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Anita sighs deeply from the other side, feeling something on her chest that said Brian was lying again, but deciding to give him a vote of confidence. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Promise?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ok, be home for dinner, at least, please? I miss you already…Bye, love.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will be, babe. Bye!” Brian turned off the phone and meant to go back to the couch to sleep a little bit more, but Freddie was at the door waiting for him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Problems in paradise??” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s what happens when you disappear from your wife all day I suppose…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad to see you and Anita got this far… I’m a good cupid!” Freddie grinned at Brian. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s ‘cause you were not here to see how many times we fucked things up along the process…” Brian took a deep breath before smiling at Freddie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Proud of you, ancient poodle!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck off!!” Brian scoffed him playfully, pushing his way back inside the room. Back inside, Roger and John were now resting next to each other, sharing a pillow and a soft snore’s symphony that looked like a conversation. “What are we going to do with these two?” Freddie asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Let them rest… Deacy’s life had more action this last 24 hours than it had all along the 90’s…” he said, hiding back a yawn, “And Roger had kept me awake for way too long, I deserve some silence… Wanna help me with breakfast?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, darling, I could use some tea…” Freddie said. “You could make me a May for breakfast, what do you think?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Too early for heavy drinks, Freddie…” Brain replied, seeing his friend pouting his lips like an overgrown child. “Maybe if you behave…” The curly haired one half agreed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Freddie and Brian tiptoed their way to the kitchen like two 5 years olds that were about to do something wrong. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Pancakes or french toast?” Brian offered. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not both?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Cause I’m in charge…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re still as boring as I can remember… Live a little, Doctor!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I’ve been doing that, don’t worry… Ok, both.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And a May, please…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop calling it that, it’s only coffee, brandy and condensed milk…” Brain shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like I said, a May, strong, sweet and slightly alcoholic…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brian laughed, it was a good thing that his friend still remembered their special drink, the one he created at one of the down days, when they didn’t have enough in their pockets. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I remember that day… I went to visit you in the afternoon, but you and Chrissie were going through hard times, like we all were… You offered me coffee, but you had no sugar, so you sweetened it with condensed milk…” Freddie said, observing his friend set the things on the kitchen counter to prepare the coffee and the sweets, pancakes and toasts. Brian hadn’t changed a bit, Freddie thought, his organised meticulous side still had to win everytime. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But then it got too sweet, and you fixed that with Brandy…” Brian completed., closing his eyes for a second to go back to his first flat, where he lived with his first wife until his first child arrived. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I still have to find something on this planet that can’t be fixed with alcohol…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Apparently, marriages…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The room went silent for a moment, Freddie knew about Brian’s hard feelings about his first marriage, all the weight of the guilt he felt back then was still there, like a ghost Brian couldn’t wave away… </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You fixed it the second turn… Anita hit the jackpot with you, Brian dear…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did she? That woman is a saint, Freddie… She deserved way better when I met her…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you became better, for her, you changed, didn’t you?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“More than I care to admit…” Brian’s mind went to his personal memories, the ones he didn’t share with his bandmates, all the times he hurt the women he loved and his children, the side of him that, although it was dead and gone by now, still managed to haunt him. He remembered his time before going to a rehab clinic, how he lost all the joy in playing music for a while and how that was hurtful to everyone around him, until he hit the big rock bottom and begged Roger to help him get out of that hole… Waving away those memories he tried to focus on what was happening at that moment. Freddie liked thin pancakes, so he’d do that for him, even though he couldn’t remember the last time he did that for his own family. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A big messy kitchen and half an hour later, there was an inebriating smell of strong coffee, pancakes and french toasts invaded their nostrils, making Brian feel proud of himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Set the table, I’m gonna wake up the sleeping-beasts…” He ordered Freddie, who promptly obeyed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roger was on the phone when Brian made his way upstairs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Sarina, I’m not going home anytime soon, babe, but everything is fine. Don’t worry…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Do you want me to send Rufus or Félix to see you, babe? It’s unnatural of you to spend all this time away…” </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, love, everything is fine. Brain and John need me here, we’re talking, it’s just that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, love. Call me at any time you need, we’ll be waiting for you… Love you”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you! Bye…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You too forgot to tell your wife you’d be out all weekend?” Brian said, scaring the drummer who had his back to the door all the time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bloody hell, Brian, don’t do that…” Roger exclaimed between his teeth to not wake up the other man, still dreaming…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Rog, breakfast is ready… Get Deacy and come on, downstairs…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Coffee smells good…” Roger says, feeling the scent that came from the outside of the room, getting his shirt buttoned and wearing his shoes. “Deacy… Wake up…” he said softly, turning to Brian when he got no response. “He cried a little bit during his sleep, and must be completely worn out…” Roger whispered to his bandmate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We get our bellies full and then we can come back here to sleep a little more, but we’re old, breakfast is important during hangovers…” Brian whispered back. “Johnny, come on… Freddie is waiting downstairs.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The mention of Freddie woke up the younger of them, lazyly, John moved his body to straighten it up before opening his eyes. “Freddie… That was not a dream, then…” he said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, none of that was a dream, we are all wide awake…” Roger said, pausing his train of thought to yawn. “He’s waiting, come on…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m hungry…” John announced quietly, getting ready to leave the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Freddie had finished setting the table when he saw his bandmates getting inside the kitchen lined up, like they did at their concerts. First, a proud Brian May, tall and confident like he is getting into the stage, second a smiley Roger, face a little swollen from the night, but still a charming face to look at every morning, and then John, sleepy, with an unreadable smile on his face, the MonaLisa of the band, as he always were. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Gentlemen, help yourselves!” Freddie exclaimed. “All made by our favorite doctor, the one that doesn’t use needles! Thanks, Bri!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Brian!”” John and Roger said in unison. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“French toasts, we’re getting fancy here..” Roger said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Only the best, honey. When Brian did the groceries yesterday he bought food for an army…” Freddie replied, serving himself with some pancakes, his drink already prepared with the touch of brandy Brian promised earlier. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought Deacy was the one who knew how to feed a small army…” Roger pointed out, making his friends smile. “We call them ‘The Deacklings” now…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re just one behind, Roger…” John replied, annoyed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will I have the pleasure to meet them, darlings? I mean, all your families, the ones I met must be so different now...” Freddie felt nostalgic, he felt for all the things he missed on his nephews and nieces lives, all that he could have done for them all these years… His bandmates had grandchildren now, and he didn’t even have his cats around, whatever happened to them…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trying to lighten up the mood, for his own sake, Freddie started to talk about how his friends were when they became parents, bringing back memories to all of them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I still remember 23 years old John coming to me and saying ‘Ronnie is pregnant, I’m royally screwed’! I wanted to slap the living life out of him, as a good big brother would do…” he said, snorting with laughter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Instead, you cried just like my mom did…” John said, joining the memory lane while sipping on his coffee. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You became a lion papa right away, that was adorable to observe… You and Ronnie made a team, a good one, those were very obedient kids from what I recall.” John blushed, reminding the few times he had to be a little rough to his kids to keep them quiet while they were traveling with the band. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Freddie continued. “Brian was different… He knew it was going to happen soon, I guess… He came back from a romantic getaway with Chrissie, and while she seemed annoyed that she felt sick all the trip, Brian was over the moon because that meant good news…” he said, sharing a complicity look with his friend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We were not trying on anything, but I just felt we were ready to be parents… And we were! Jimmy was such a joyful baby!” Brian smiled, looking at the bracelet his boy had given him on father’s day, about a decade ago. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And Roger, oh my Lord, Roggie proved to be the real hysterical Queen when Felix arrived… He cried all day, just as much as the baby… It broke my heart…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, I cried harder than him, that’s for sure…” Roger recalled.  “Nothing in this world prepared me for a premature newborn, he looked so fragile and I couldn’t hold him for days… Every day he spent in the hospital felt like stones hitting my chest.” The drummer recalled, feeling the joy of holding his first born fill his mind. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And then I saw YOU become a lion father, Felix couldn’t leave your side for nothing in this world until he was 3 and got into pre-school…” Freddie remembered his nephew napping peacefully on the tour bus, or during long flights, sometimes on his arms after a movie time, the boy was so different from his father, so calm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dom and I did a good job on that one… He was a friendly baby!” said the proud father.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They finished their breakfast and shared Mays, Brian carefully dosed the amount of brandy each one would have, ‘cause it was too early for drunkenness, not even 9 am. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brian cooked, I’ll clean, Roger and Freddie can figure out what we’re doing later… It can be a movie…” John demanded, all serious. When his friends had left the kitchen he called his wife. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ronnie, love…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“John, for god’s sake, where are you?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She sounded relieved to hear his voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, my love, don’t you worry, I’m with Brian and Roger,...we are… We are having a catch up, you know? It’s been a long time…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought we had left them in the past, John… Did something happen?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Queen still pays the bills, love, and we have a past I can’t bury… It’s alright tho, Brian and Roger just needed to talk…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you coming home soon? Robert and the kids go back to Scotland on Monday, we should enjoy their presence while they are here…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna try my best, love… If something changes, I call you, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, John...Stay safe. I love you!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Love you, Ronnie!” He turned off the phone thinking about Freddie and Jim. How would they tell him what happened? He couldn’t just break his friend’s heart right when he got back. But how to tell Freddie that there was not a Freddie and Jim anymore? Freddie deserved the truth, but maybe even the truth was best unsaid at this point. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He enjoyed the silence of the room to finish his work on the kitchen, and decided to only deal with the subject of Jim when it knocked on their door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Veronica didn’t sound amused…” Freddie said, from the kitchen’s doorway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Grandkids are around, she might be going insane with all their noise and bickering…” John replied, without turning back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How many years?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“45… Most of our lives.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Congratulations, darling… It’s something else…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“A challenge… That’s why I’m still here, because of them, they are my rock.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Who needs rock ‘n roll with so much to look forward to, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure Brian and Roger managed to get all that I have AND the rockstar life figured out, it just wouldn’t work for me…” John sighed. “Looking back, with or without you around, I think I’d still have chosen my family over Queen…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you should never feel guilty about that, sweetheart. Given the chance to save my marriage and my kids, I’d have done the same thing… I’m a hopeless-romantic, you know?” Freddie said, going to help John, putting the dishes back on their places. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In a second they were done, sitting around the table, face to face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You were loved, you know?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, darling, what’s not to love about me?” Freddie joked, knowing full well John had news for him, and not the good ones…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, the modesty is intact, I see…” John smiled. “But seriously, Freddie… You got the best, from all of us dirty bastards, you were the one who got your ‘til death do us apart’, and it was beautiful.” John cried, and Freddie sat closer to him, holding his hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, John, I got lucky there. Never thought a guy I met in a nightclub would be my forever, but it was just magical with him, everything was magical…” Roger was listening to their conversation from the room, deciding if he, as the one who was the closest to Jim, would be the one to tell Freddie all about his lover’s future. He took a deep breath and joined his friends on the kitchen, making a signal for Brian to follow him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jim’s devotion to you, until the last second, he watched over you like no one else could... that man deserved everything good on this planet…” Roger said, loud and proud, like he was giving a speech. “You tried to send him away, and the stubborn irish mess stuck around and took care of you better than any nurse could… That was true love, really. None of us had lived something like that…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The son of a bitch even gave me the finger when I wanted to hire nurses to take care of you… He was exhausted… He said you wanted privacy, and that you’d have it. At the end, he was right…” Brian continued. “That man, together with Phoebe, took care of you basically by themselves. They didn’t rest one day…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My loyal princesses…” Freddie said, cleaning up the tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Loyalty at it’s finest!” Roger completed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But…” Freddie asked. “There’s something more…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jim found someone else, only in 2009, and lost that person too… cancer.” Roger said. “Moved back to Ireland a few years ago, and it’s not returning our calls and messages… only Phoebe still talks to him, because he’s as stubborn as you! You taught him well…” Roger said, exalting the friendship Freddie had with his loyal personal assistant.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I taught him to never give up. Never leave a loved one behind, even if that seems like the only way!” Freddie said, reflecting on his friendship with his assistant. “I’m glad to know Jim is fine though… by Deacy’s tone I thought I had got him sick…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Freddie was relieved, he was satisfied knowing his love was safe and sound in his motherland… but he couldn’t help but miss him more and more, thinking about all the missed opportunities they had, how much they planned on growing old together, how much having Jim changed his view on love and fidelity, taught him that true love was real… Jim was the “somebody to love” he sang about a million times, a relief to all the heartbreaks he endured.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jim was the only one who had all of him, his heart, mind and body, no other lover was so important and never would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Freddie knew he’d always love Jim, even from afar, because things had changed, he had to leave that behind, because he now belonged to his lover’s past...</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's incredible what a messed up mind can do when it's not on its best... This is not the chapter I wanted to bring, but it basically wrote itself, and I like it a real lot...<br/>Enjoy this chapter while I try to figure out what exactly my characters want from me...<br/>Comments are appreciated, they help me see a light at the end of the tunnels.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Freddie couldn’t help but feel sad after the talk about Jim. He knew all that happened, knew that Jim was fine, he followed along without him, and that was a good thing, right? To Jim, Freddie had passed away not one or two, but 29 nine years ago. It was more time than they ever imagined they would be together, and he knew that what they had was enough love for a lifetime, they were husbands, real ones, and they gave and received all the love they could have received while they were together. Even on the early days, when Freddie’s rockstar life and frenetic style seemed impossible to ignore, he knew that none of the people in his life would fulfill his heart like Jim did, no one brought so much life into his own life, the kind of love only hollywood would produce, it was real, Freddie had been the protagonist of that, and that was something no one could take from him… </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger observed his friend getting quieter and quieter, understanding that there was a lot to process, Freddie still interacted with everyone and teased Deacon everytime his wife called asking for him to go back home, but he knew Freddie’s mind was somewhere in Dublin.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could help you see your love… But I’m afraid seeing you would lead him to a sudden hospital visit…” Roger said, taking Freddie out of his deep thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fear the same to be honest, Rog. It was already selfish of me to call Brian and demand all of you to be here.” Freddie sighs. “Looking back, if I knew all that was going on, I’m not sure if I had still called him…” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I'd find a way to get to you, I always did…” Roger affirmed proudly. “Getting that phone call from Brian yesterday was terrifying, I’m not gonna lie, but seeing you here was seriously the best thing that happened to my old soul this past decade, Freddie. I don’t care how many years have passed, how much our lives changed, to have you back is the only thing that matters right about now…” Roger sighs deeply, finishes his glass of wine, and looks at Freddie’s face like he’s trying to get a sign from the heavens about Freddie’s return.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were way stronger than I would be, darling…” Freddie returns the look, scanning Roger’s face like it’s a painting that needs to be remembered forever. “In your place, if I had lost one of you, that’d be game over for me, really. I wouldn’t know what to do with my life, you are my family, I cared about the three of you more than I did to my own sister, and you know I love Kash…” Roger felt a tingle on his chest at the mention of Freddie’s family, and knowing his friend like the back of his hand, Freddie felt he needed to start making questions again. “Since we’re already talking about them, how are they? Mum, dad, Kash… What happened to the unruly Bulsara’s?”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your mom was there with us when we were inducted to the Rock ‘N Roll hall of fame, she accepted that in your honor, and only a few months later she passed away…” Roger couldn’t look at Freddie when he delivered the news, although he knew he made everything in his power to keep Freddie’s family safe and well, Roger surely wished his parents were there, having the pleasure of his presence just like him. “Your dad went away a few years after you, he couldn’t live in a world without his brightest light as he called you all the time…” Roger waited until Freddie had a moment of silence, seeing his friend look to the window and the bright light that came from the outside, probably saying a silent prayer for his beloved parents. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it foolish of me to want them to be back just like I am?” Freddie asked, eyes still fixed to the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could bring them back to you myself…” Roger whispered, deepening his voice a little as he used to in the old days. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about Kash? Is my little sister still around? Did you get your way with her while I was away?” Freddie teased, shaking his head softly to wave away the sadness.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s still sexy, can’t lie. But she met this guy named Roger, what a coincidence” he grinned, “got married, had a son, and moved far away from us, somewhere in the Netherlands. She still talks business with us once or twice a year, but I’m not sure if she’s our biggest fan…” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seems like the two of you have been making some enemies since I left…” Freddie said, adjusting himself on his seat. “Who would have thought that I was really the pacifist of the band…” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“The pacifist? Oh, give me a break, you were the most political one, for the cameras only, but you could toss and turn just as much as Brian, and that is the only thing that hasn’t changed about him” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two old wives… Destined to live with each other’s mess from day one.” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve accepted my fate. I can’t say I’m easy on him, so we’re even…” Roger shrugged, collecting their glasses and getting up to get them more wine. Brian and John came from the outside where they were, Brian watering the garden and John collecting more wood for the fireplace, both men in awkward silence, too technical for their own good. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the gossip about?” Brian asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Roger was updating me on my family.” Freddie sighs “I mean, the biological one, the Bulsara’s…” Freddie replied, accepting the glass of wine Roger gave him, while Roger picked up a few more glasses so they could all finish that bottle of wine together. Brian had prepared them lunch not much earlier, but none of them touched the food, promising to Brian they’d had something to eat before getting drunk again, so he made his own plate and ate alone, just enjoying the companies. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really sorry about them, Freddie.” John said, filling his own glass of wine and sitting next to his friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, honey… It’s alright. I wouldn’t expect to be seventy-four years old and still have mom and dad waiting for me…” Freddie says, trying his best to keep the mood up. “I have enough of a family right here…” He holds Roger and John’s hands, each one on one side of him, and blows a kiss to Brian in front of him. Brian thanks God for the food in his mouth, otherwise he’d start crying again.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Brian had thought about all the people in Freddie’s life from their past, all the friends he left behind and that cried with him when he passed. He thought about the early morning conversation about Phoebe and how he deserved to meet Freddie just as much as all of them. Brian enjoyed the disguise of being hungry to elaborate more about that. He knew that even with all the differences they had over the years, he just needed to mention Freddie’s name again to bring Peter Freestone back from wherever he was, and maybe, with a little help from the gods, Peter would bring Jim Hutton with him. After having one dream come true, Brian just wanted to make the same for his friend was the least he could do after Freddie presented him to his forever love. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger, Freddie, and John didn’t pay attention when Brian disappeared from the dining room back to the garden, coming back one phone call later with a relieved smile on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, someone suddenly had a positive mood swing…” Freddie noted while Brian filled a glass of wine for himself. “Who gave you a blowie while we were distracted, darling?” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anita gives incredible ones, I won't lie…”  Brian suspiciously looked at his friends, making them burst into laughter. “Not that this is anyone’s business, of course… God, I miss my wife!” He yearned, finishing his glass of wine in one go. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>At that moment, one ringtone played, making John try to control his giggles before answering the phone. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>“John, did you flew right back to Bali without telling me?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Veronica didn’t sound very happy, raising her voice just enough for her husband’s friends to be able to listen. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“No love, I would never do that to you!” John responds smiling to his friends, who are hardly controlling himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Good, so where are you? I’m worried sick already!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She sounded really concerned, all these years she always knew where her husband was and when he’d come back home safe, and now that both of them had aged together, she worried about not being there for him all the time like she always did. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Is everything alright? Did you have a decent meal today? The boys are asking for their papaw.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brian cooked for us, he’s still a decent cook. I’m well. I might be heading home soon, Ronnie, don’t you worry bout a thing, love…” He says. “I think I had enough of their faces for the day…” John keeps tranquilizing his wife for a couple more minutes and turns his phone off, looking at his friends, and preparing to say his goodbyes. “Alright mates, you heard her… I have my people waiting for me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“And no one wants to upset the Deacy Army!” Roger teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, they are a lot more furious than those Tigers of yours, mate…” John playfully accepted the teasing. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you’re going now?” Freddie asked, a sad expression on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll come back tomorrow, let me just send Robert and his kids back to Scotland, have a good talk with Ronnie and I’ll be back…” John promised. “You take care of yourself, all of you…” John said, hugging Freddie as tight as he could like he did when he arrived. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you!!” John said, from the outside already, leaving the Garden with the big smile that made him famous and a heart full of the best feeling he could ask for, a sense of completeness. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>** </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>After John was gone it was time for Brian and Freddie to decide which one would be the next to leave, but none of them wanted to go. They still haven’t had a good talk about Adam Lambert, it was something that needed to be addressed sooner or later, but considering their minds at the moment, it would have to wait a little longer… </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Freddie’s response to the new era of Queen could be so much more complex than they expected, their hearts were not ready for a full confrontation and they silently agreed to leave that to another day. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Brian was the first to try to leave, promising to come back as soon as he could on the next day, hopeful that Peter would make his way to London in time, with or without company. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I left enough food and liquor here to keep you busy, but please take care, okay?” Brian said, pulling Freddie to a big hug.  “Remember it’s just your appearance that is forty, you’re an ancient just like the two of us!” he completed, tightening the grip for a few seconds so he could enjoy the scent of his friend. “I love you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>** </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Minutes later there was only Roger and Freddie sharing the big yellow couch.  Like a child, Roger hugged his friend and started to feel those stubborn tears coming down again. “I’m afraid if I leave right now I’m gonna lose you again…” he said, resting his head on Freddie’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not planning on going anywhere, Roggie.” Freddie assured, kissing his friend’s cheek. “If you go to your house now, have some rest and tell your wonderful kids how much his uncle Freddie loves them, soon it’ll be time to come back, we still have a lot to talk about…” he wiped Roger’s tears, admiring the ocean blue of his eyes that haven’t changed a single bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sarina deserves some answers, all my children are with us this month, otherwise I’d stay here with you talking the night away, I hope you know that…” Roger sniffs a couple of times, trying to keep the tears controlled. “Promise to call me in the morning, my phone is still the same as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise, you’ll hear me sing for you first thing in the morning, darling…” Freddie pulls Roger to one last embrace, enjoying the warmth of the hug. Truth is that he didn’t know what would happen the next day, he didn’t even know if there would be a next day, but all he wanted was to start a new day on this new chance he got in life.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Roger was sent away carefully, with Freddie observing from afar his friend get into a taxi, or whatever they called that these days.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, on the way home, Brian got a message from Peter.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ll be at Heathrow, 8 in the morning. Please, Brian, if you ever loved Freddie, don’t waste our time... if this is not really important, tell me now so I can send him back home…” </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Roger couldn’t sleep well at night, he tossed and turned in bed, waiting to see if Freddie would call him as he promised. To see if Freddie would still be there for them in the morning...</p><p> </p><p>He looked at the other side of the bed and saw his wife sleeping with parted lips, looking so calm, he wished he could join her and fall asleep, but the clock showed 6:30, Freddie was an early-bird, he’d call at any minute. Roger sat on the bed, got his robe and slowly left the room. At the living room, he sat on the armchair beside the phone, staring at it for a couple of minutes, wishing it would ring. </p><p> </p><p><em> This is ridiculous. Freddie is fine. We were together for two days straight, there’s no reason to panic. </em> Roger said to himself in a low murmur.  <em> He’s gonna call soon. </em> He tried to convince himself, still staring at the damn silent thing. <em> There’s no way I woke up earlier than Freddie Mercury… </em>he said, checking if the phone was plugged in. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly there was a noise, making him jump on his seat. Without a second of hesitation, Roger picked up the phone and glued it to his ears. </p><p> </p><p><em> “The moment I wake up” </em> Freddie sang, melodic voice and the sweetest tone he could use. “Before I put on my makeup…I say a little pray for you…” Freddie made a dramatic pause, and Roger only imagined the biggest grin on his face. </p><p> </p><p><em> Was that too early to introduce Freddie to Video Calls? </em> Roger thought while Freddoe kept singing softly, making the best a capella impression of Aretha Franklin.</p><p> </p><p><em> “While combing my hair now, and wondering what dress to wear now… I say a little prayer for you!” </em>There was an emphasis on the last word, something Freddie knew that would make Roger smile wild, and it also filled the drummer’s heart with joy.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Now, help me out blondie…” </em> He said, asking for some backing vocals, to which Roger prompted himself and obeyed, following the old script they had from decades singing together. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I will love you! Forever, and ever, we never will part… Oh, how I love you! Together, together, that's how it must be! To live without you would only mean heartbreak for me…” </em>They sang the last verse together, Roger coming out a little late and even attempting to reach the higher notes, following the second-voice protocol that worked so well with them. </p><p>Knowing that they still had the chemistry was so heartwarming to Roger, he felt alive like he hadn’t felt in so many years. Not that he didn’t feel alive going on stage with Brian and Adam, but there was something on singing with Freddie that hit different, in a way that brought tears to his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>He cried, for all the times he didn’t sing with Freddie, ‘cause they felt like betrayal. All they did after Freddie was gone was made with a purpose, it was all studied carefully before being done, but it all still didn’t give him the same thrill, and he missed him so much all these years…</p><p> </p><p>“What took you so long, Freddie?” Roger asked, his voice choked with stubborn tears, trying the hardest to stop crying.</p><p> </p><p>“Old people wake up earlier, darling…” Freddie joked with his best friend's age, just days ago he was only 37 </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shut up, <em> darling </em>!” Roger mocked him. “You will always be the oldest Queen…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Brian woke up before 6am, checking his phone for messages. No news. <em> “They’re still on the plane. Calm down… </em>he whispered to himself. Anita was sleeping in one of the guest rooms, she wasn’t happy when he arrived last night after disappearing for an entire day and a half. </p><p> </p><p>He sat on the bed and looked at the window, the Sun wasn’t up yet, he still had plenty of time to have some breakfast and go to the airport to meet Peter and Jim. </p><p> </p><p>Brian went to the bathroom and took a cold shower, taking his time to wash his hair and prepare himself for what he was going to say to them about their new situation. </p><p> </p><p><em> Jim, Peter, I don’t know how to explain this, scientifically this would be impossible to happen, but Freddie is alive. He is alive and we’re going to meet him now… </em> He thought, smiling of the absurdity of the whole thing. <em> I hope they survive the shock. </em>Brian said, remembering his own shock when he got the phone call from Freddie, and the absolute smash that took over him when he saw Freddie face to face. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I just hope not to kill them… Deacy was a close one.  </em>
</p><p>After his shower, he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen, where he made coffee and prepared a few pancakes for him and his wife. Even though Anita was not his biggest fan at the moment he couldn’t blame her, he hope to get a chance to explain things to her soon.</p><p> </p><p>He observed as the colors of the sky changed in the morning, the sunrise becoming brighter.</p><p> </p><p>Brian went outside, feeling the chilly wind of the morning, fed the dogs and the rescues he had at the moment, a couple of birds that fell from the trees in his property, and a little hedgehog that needed to be separated from the animals on the Save Me headquarters ‘cause it was still a little aggressive; then he had a little chat with them about the importance of the day, trying to gather the courage to go outside…</p><p> </p><p>“Big day today, you know? If everything goes right we might be reuniting two big-time lovers today…”</p><p> </p><p>It’s ten to six when he leaves, making his way to out as calmly as humanly possible.</p><p> </p><p>When he arrives at the airport he sends a voice message to Roger, to let him know what’s going to happen. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><br/>Bri: <strong>I’M AT HEATHROW, NEED TO FIND  </strong></em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> PETER FREESTONE AND JIM HUTTON SOON, </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> THEN WE’RE HEADING TO THE GARDEN. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em> WANT ME TO PICK YOU UP?  </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>Rog: <strong>HOLY FUCKING SHIT…</strong></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>  WELL… DUH!!  </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Roger’s answer made him smile, broke a little bit of the tension that was growing inside his mind. </p><p> </p><p>He was acting behind Freddie’s back, it was not good, but deep inside he had a great feeling about that, something told him to keep going as he moved to the big gate where he’d find the other two men. Their plane was still landing, at least it was what the signs said, he found that relieving, to have some time to get himself together. He hadn’t seen Jim since 2009, and Peter as Freddie’s executive representative, only talked to them during meetings about marketing and finances. </p><p> </p><p>Minutes had passed and he was getting tired of walking to a side to the other of the large glass door that would reveal his special guests. </p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>Leaving the Baggage hall, Peter and Jim walked slowly, both men not really understanding what they were doing back in London.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what Brian wants?” Jim asked.</p><p> </p><p>“No. The only thing he said was to try and get you back here… The man is lucky I was in Ireland for a meeting.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you were lucky I’m a curious man… Otherwise I’d have given you the boot. Can’t remember the last time I was here…”</p><p>“Freddie’s passing anniversary, I brought you here for the weekend, you and Mary had a fight and I took you back home before there was blood.” Peter reminded him.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope this is not another waste of time…” Jim sighed, taking the backpack of his back and holding it in one hand. “Do you think we still have time for coffee??”</p><p> </p><p>“Doubt it… Brian is an anxious man, he must be outside waiting for us already…” Peter got his small baggage from the luggage treadmill and both men walked outside the room, where they found a familiar mop of curls waiting for them while checking on his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“Brian?” Peter called, making the curly haired man look up at them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… You’re here!” Brian said. “I was just sending you a message to say I was out here…” He offered to shake the men’s hands. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Brian… Long time no see…” Jim said, keeping his voice low. It was still uncomfortable to be with Freddie’s bandmates. Everything about them would bring a different memory from his time with Freddie, and even after his passing, and not all memories were good ones.</p><p> </p><p>“How is Ireland?” Brian initiated a small talk, guiding the men to his car. Small talk was something he always hated, but there was no remedy in this situation. </p><p>“Cold, getting colder every day, winter is going to be big this year…” Jim said, uninterested in keeping that up. “Where are we going?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, first we’re going to get Rog. He stopped driving a few years back and I promised him a ride…” Brian said, clearly avoiding the real subject, opening the car door to Jim on the passenger seat and the door to the back seat to Peter.</p><p> </p><p>“And then…?” Peter asked, getting into the car. </p><p> </p><p>“You will see.” It was all the answer Brian gave, hating himself a bit for not knowing how to address the big issue, but also understanding that there was no delicate way of saying <em> The love of your life, the man you’ve been mourning for the last decades, he is alive and kicking, looking all brand new… </em>Maybe it was better to just get them in the same room and hope for the best like he did with Roger and John. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t get why all the mystery… It’s not like Freddie is alive and we’re gonna see him today, it’s ridiculous…” Peter joked, laughing at the absurd idea. Brian froze up at the mention of Freddie. <em> Well, you will be surprised today, </em>he thought, tensing up a little and fixing his eyes on the road. To be very honest, 72 hours ago he’d have laughed at the same idea, so he just brushed off the comment.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s gonna be worth your time, it’s all I can promise.” he said, only loud enough for the men to hear above the sound of violins coming on the radio. </p><p> </p><p>Brian turned his attention to the road again, ignoring the two men exchanging concerned looks. They gave in to silence, the tension being buildup was almost touchable, but none of the guests dared to make any more questions. </p><p> </p><p>Brain changed the radio station when they were approaching Roger’s house, just to have anything else to do instead of just driving, then started humming to the random country tune that came on the radio. </p><p> </p><p>The other men observed the isolated road, feeling the breeze of the early morning. Suddenly, the tremendous statue of Freddie could be seen on the horizon. It was still impressive all these years, every time Jim looked at it he felt Freddie was close to him, the sense of having him around filled his heart with joy. </p><p> </p><p>Jim knew Freddie wouldn’t agree with anyone having his statue on their yard like that, so big. He knew Freddie would have thrown fists until Roger got that down, because he was just a normal humble man, not anyone’s hero, but it was good to see that Roger kept that up, tall and proud, just like Freddie was on stage. </p><p> </p><p><em> I love you, Freddie. </em>He thought, looking at the statue getting closer and taller, showing them they were at Roger’s property. </p><p> </p><p>“Here we are!” Brain said, honking a couple of times for Roger to open the gate. As soon as the gates were opened Brian drove them in through the small fields that lead to Roger’s house. </p><p> </p><p>Looking at the statue that close, just beside the house, was even more surreal to Jim, he seemed so tiny compared to the grandiosity of that thing. Freddie looked real, like he’d start moving at any time, warming up to some opera, making his voice be heard all over the city. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I wish you were here.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Roger approached the car, a smile on his face. He wanted to tell everyone that he talked to Freddie first thing in the morning, tell them that Freddie sang for him and that they sang together, but he had to keep that as a secret. That was HIS moment with Freddie, better to keep that to himself anyways… </p><p> </p><p>“Good to see you, Rog.” Jim shared a warm glance with the man, Peter also complimented him with a half hug when they started sharing the backseat. “Good to see you, mates!” Roger responded. </p><p> </p><p>“Are we good to go?” Brian asked.</p><p> </p><p>Roger nodded, excited to see Freddie again. </p><p> </p><p>“Can we know where the fuck are we going?” Peter asked, losing the little patience he had stored. </p><p> </p><p>Roger looked at Brian, both men didn’t know what to say. Roger was sure it was on Brian to tell them they were going to Freddie’s house, and Brian thought Roger would be a good help on taking the lead on the explanation, but instead, both men did nothing. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s gonna be worth your time.” Roger said, repeating Brian’s words from earlier even though he wasn’t there. </p><p>“Yeah, we heard that before…” Peter said, annoyed by the lack of communication. It shouldn’t be serious, if that was all about money they’d be heading to Jim Beach’s offices, and that’s no reason to keep that as a secret and no reason to drag Jim with them, he was out of that part for a long time. There was silence among them, something on the air that both Jim or Peter could figure out what it was, they needed answers. </p><p> </p><p>Only when they approached the avenue that gave access to Freddie’s house, the familiar spots they knew so well, that Jim realized where they were going. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s no way in this world that I will get into the Garden again. No. This can’t be happening…” He said, trying to wave away some of the last memories he had there. </p><p> </p><p>“When I said it is going to be worth your time, I wasn’t joking. Trust me, you’ll want to be in there…” Roger said on a soothing voice, as calm and relaxed as he could be. </p><p> </p><p>As Brian pulled over in front of Garden Lodge, both Peter and Jim felt their muscles tensing up, that place stopped meaning Home to them long ago, now it only represented a bunch of bittersweet memories that couldn’t be erased. </p><p> </p><p>Regardless of all their doubts, minutes later Jim and Peter were inside the big walls of the old property. Jim let his companions walk in front of him while he carefully observed the state of abandonment of everything and thinking of how lifeless it looked. Brian and Roger were beside him all the time, giving him space to absorb all the feelings of coming back to the place where he lived the most tiring years of Freddie’s disease. </p><p> </p><p>“Is everything okay, Jim?” Peter asked, trying hard to hold himself together with a real food of memories crossing his mind. Peter was Freddie’s most loyal personal assistant, taking care of Queen and Freddie during intense years of touring and partying, becoming one of Freddie’s chosen ones to take care of him when he got sick. He lived in the Garden Lodge just as much as Freddie, barely finding time to go to his own place for weeks to come. Those were good memories. He had a big brother on Freddie, not a boss…</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah… I think so…” Came the answer from an introspective Jim. The Irish man kept a puzzled look on his face, examining things in silence. <em> Why did you bring me back here, love? I’m not welcome here, not without you…  </em></p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go inside, shall we??” Brian suggested, exchanging looks with Roger, who stood by their guests’ side while Brian took the lead. The three men obeyed Brian’s silent instructions and walked to the door of the house.</p><p> </p><p>There was more silence when they entered the house, Brian first, then Jim and Peter, then Roger last, all men still uncomfortable with the situation. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s no one here, Brian…” Jim said, frustrated and confused. “Why the hell did you bring us here with no purpose?” he let anger show, it was not common of him, always so calm and centered, but that situation looked so ridiculous, he was not feeling well, getting inside Garden Lodge’s house without Freddie there, knowing that he was persona non-grata there for so long… Brian and Roger didn’t understand, they never would… The only way to make him be comfortable and happy there would be bringing Freddie back to life, therefore, that was impossible.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, there’s someone upstairs…” Peter noticed, signaling for silence from the other men that were about to start a fuss.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>In his bedroom, Freddie got out of the shower, used the few male clothes he found in the wardrobe, that didn’t seem to be his anymore.  He found a white shirt and a pair of Jeans that would have to fit, making a mental note to ask Brian to bring him some more clothes, he never liked wearing other people’s stuff, unless it belonged to Jim or his bandmates.</p><p> </p><p>When he was ready to go, but had nowhere to be, he paid attention to something happening downstairs, in the living room. </p><p> </p><p>“Brian?? Is that you??” Freddie shouted, walking calmly downstairs, still drying his hair. He was eager to see his mates again, since it was all he could do for now. “Darling, did you bring Roger with you?”</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Jim and Peter looked at the stairs at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>Jim watched in awe as Freddie walked down it with the same energy he used to do when they started dating. That was Freddie, Freddie Mercury Hutton, his husband and partner of 7 years, the love of his life. He felt his blood pressure dropping and held Peter’s arm for support. </p><p> </p><p>“Roger, I know your eye-sight is not better than mine, but can you confirm something for me?? Is that our Freddie I’m seeing??” He asked, tears started to make it hard to see, he thought he was hallucinating, knowing that Roger was the only one that knew his love for Freddie all the way, and the one that was Freddie’s platonic soulmate, if Roger was seeing the same thing, that had to be real.</p><p> </p><p>“The one and only we ever had…” Came the raspy low voice from beside him. </p><p> </p><p>Freddie stopped at the side of the hall, looking at both men in front of him and barely recognizing them. Jim looked skinny and soft, and Peter had grown a few pounds, but their looks were there… Still, they had changed so much? But how?? Was that his Jim, really?? The man he committed to love… And Phoebe, his loyal assistant. <em> Oh my… They are here…” </em> Freddie was shocked, he was caught out of guard, all he wanted to say just slipped away.</p><p> </p><p>“But… How is it possible??” Phoebe finally asked, looking as he was about to faint, with only Jim’s hand on his arm keeping him up. </p><p> </p><p>Freddie came closer to them, holding Jim tight in his arms as soon as he could reach him, there was something time couldn’t erase, that was how Jim’s presence made him feel whole, safe. Jim broke down in tears with the warmth of Freddie’s body embracing him, this was the moment he dreamt about for so many years. </p><p> </p><p>“I missed you so much, my love…” he said within sobs, face hidden on the crook of Freddie’s neck. “I love you so much” Jim let himself melt, Freddie keeping him so firm in his arms, while Jim’s knees seemed to weaken. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m here, love. We’re together now…” Freddie understood they’d need time. </p><p> </p><p>All he could do at the moment was to hold his love and kiss his face softly, it’d take time for Jim to adjust, as it was taking for himself, to understand that time, or age, or fate, or whatever was ruling,  was being tricky to them, but he felt so much peace holding Jim in his arms, feeling his scent warming his heart and soul in a way that only came to show that their love was intact, and that was all that mattered. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There's more to come, I promise.<br/>This chapter took me a long time and was very emotional for me to write, I hope I made them justice...<br/>As always, comment away, but be kind, this is fiction and I only have my imagination with me...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HERE I AM!! Finally an update for this one, Jesus, it seems like another life since I was here... </p>
<p>As usual, nothing here comes out as planned, I had another piece to evolve, which would make the chapter way bigger, but I think it fits better having a whole chapter just for that...</p>
<p>Please, be nice on the comments, my brain is damaged by painkillers and I didn't have the guts to ask someone to beta-read this, so if you find any mistake, blame it on the meds and move on. </p>
<p>Comments and kudos are nice, I like them a lot, really. </p>
<p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jim and Freddie were attached to each other, lazily cuddling on the sofa while Brian updated a still perplexed Peter about the last couple of days since he got the phone call from Freddie and Roger confirmed their shock. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So, he is back for real?? Forever?? Well, you know, to grow old like the rest of us… That’s it??” Peter asked, stirring his mug of Tea until it was at a drinkable temperature, observing the lovebirds in the living room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How will I know?? I try my best to not think about it, the whole thing is too absurd to all of us to absorb…” Brian whispered, his own mug of tea brewing in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We have to believe it’s for real, otherwise we’re focusing on the heartbreak of losing him, and I can’t go through that again…” Roger said, stopping his mind from getting too emotional, looking at Freddie and Jim and smiling. “I refuse to lose him again, and I bet 20 that Jim would say the same.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No one wants to lose him again, and we won’t.” Brian affirmed, trying to convince himself of his own words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Freddie, can you even imagine how many times I dreamed this?? With you being here, healthy and glowing so I could love you again and again…” he whispered, planting soft kisses on Freddie’s jawline and chin. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh darling, my sweet Jim, if that was on me to decide we’d never be apart, not even for a day… I’m sorry for all the things I put you through…” Freddie replied, tightening the grip around his lover’s body, bringing Jim closer than he could ever be.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s in the past, love… You are here now, and to say that I’m the happiest man alive is a complete understatement, I have all I need now.” they kissed each other passionately, feeling their bodies slowly heat up like they used to. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sunlight coming through the window warmed them up while they kissed, discovering themselves again. Freddie could see and feel the changes on Jim’s body, his wrinkled skin had a different touch, warm, safe, his lover also had a bit of a belly now, not much, but far from the fit body Jim used to show off at the clubs back when they met. Freddie ran his hand across Jim’s torso, enjoying the feeling and the new formats he discovered with his fingertips, not breaking eye contact with his husband that didn’t stop kissing him, giving in to an old-new feeling. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We should take a break…” Freddie said, kissing his man one last time and looking at the doorway to the kitchen, listening to his friends whispers. “At least until we are all settled and free…” he said, pointing with a head gesture to the kitchen door opened and a playful Roger grinning at them as soon as he got caught stalking the two lovers. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jim straightened himself, embarrassed like a teenager that got caught making out at their parent’s house, Freddie got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen, giving Jim some time to cool down a little. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my man, Roger, go get yourself one of those…” Freddie played with the drummer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, thank you. I’m still into girls…” Roger responded, finishing his tea.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How boring…” Freddie kept teasing while he found a place next to Peter to sit with his friends. “What’s the gossip about??” Freddie sat and served him and Jim a big mug of tea, rapidly enjoying the open pack of blueberry muffins in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing much, just updating Peter on how things happened…” Brian replied, looking at Peter and sharing an understanding glance with the confused man. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And what are your thoughts, Phoebe?” Freddie asked, absorbing the atmosphere of disbelief that was in the air. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“If I know something in this life, is that you kicked deaths behind, Freddie, I’m happy to have you back…” Peter said, looking at Freddie with the amazement of someone seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time. Peter observed each move Freddie make, the way he poured the tea for Jim and set it aside to cool down a little, the way the got the muffins and took a bite out of one of them enjoying the taste for a few seconds, it was all there, all the mannerisms and the classiness of a well educated King. Or Queen. No traces of the disease that claimed his life almost three decades ago, no signs of pain when he sat down to join them. He is alive and healthy, and he is going to stay like this, ‘cause Peter will not let his best friend die again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The phone rang and Peter got up intending to answer it, but Freddie quickly stopped him, preventing him from getting to the phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“You’re not working for me anymore, honey, sit down…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what if it’s someone that doesn’t know you’re back? We can’t have people thinking that there’s an impersonator living here…” Peter enquired. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Truth is that that phone would hardly ring for any reason these days. But with all of them there, and their families still in the dark for all that was happening at Garden Lodge, it was good to be precautious...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“In this case, let me answer it…” Brian said, passing behind Freddie. “Hello…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brian, I didn’t know you were with Freddie…” John said, feeling just slightly jealous and betrayed because none of them thought about calling him to be with Freddie.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve just arrived…” Brian lied. “We’re not gonna spend the day, I believe…” He said, a little ashamed, realizing he clearly forgot to include John on the visit. “Do you wanna talk to Freddie?” He asked, feeling Freddie’s breath on his neck, the singer was trying to hear the conversation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, it’s alright…” John said, trying to hide his disappointment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“OF COURSE HE DOES!!” Freddie yelled at Brian’s ear, taking the phone out of his hand. “Deacy, my love. How are you doing, darling?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m alright, Freddie… Just took Michael, Robert and Joshua with their families to the train station, the grandkids like the long rides… Laura, Luke and Cameron are on the airport. Laura just had a baby, the brothers are escorting them back home…” John explained, happy that he could talk a little bit about his family.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, so you and Ronnie have the house only for yourselves, in the seventies that usually ended with one more Little Deacy running around the rehearsals…” Freddie said in a playful tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No chance, I don’t have half of that energy anymore… The only nappies I handle are from the grandkids these days… And soon, my own.” John smiled, and appreciated the loud sound of Freddie’s laugh, taking his chance to say what he want. “Well, I was thinking of going to see you… Do you mind if I take Ronnie with me? She’ll love to see you so well… Not as much as me, but you know...”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can bring all your family, Deacy, I’m gonna love to see Ronnie again!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll be around in about an hour…” John affirmed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When John hung up Freddie and Brian exchanged looks. The older man knew that since the beginning there were enormous differences between his friends. The guitarist was always methodical and perfectionist, never accepting easily the ideas that the bassist’s innovative mind brought to the band. And it was always Freddie that was the voice of reason among them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Deacy is part of this family, Brian. He might be away from the two of you for a real long time, but I love him just as much as I love you and Rog, and you need to leave behind the differences between the two of you, this is not a studio session, we’re not on tour…” Freddie scolded the taller man. “Do it for me, please…” He closed the case before Brian could come up with an answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Exactly one hour later, when all of them were at the living room, John arrived. Freddie got up as soon as he could hear his friend’s steps from the outside of the house, surprising him at the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Deacy!!” He screamed when he opened the door, not noticing the skinny woman beside him flinching to the sound of his voice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fr-Freddie?? Fr-Freddie M-M-Mercury??” She asked, approaching him still holding firmly to her husband’s hand. “You! Oh, My God, JOHN, IT’S FREDDIE!!” she screamed, jumping at her old friend’s direction and holding him tight. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here, Ronnie, my love! I’m here…” Freddie said, patting her back gently, letting himself be hugged as he did to all of them, feeling the differences from hugging the small girl he knew as John’s new girlfriend, to the middle aged woman in his arms right now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Time indeed flew by, but there was something about Ronnie and John still being together that made Freddie smile the wildest. With the woman still on his arms he looked at John right behind her and the absolute look of adoration was the same they shared on John’s rushed wedding day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Veronica finally let go of his embrace, Freddie took husband and wife by the hands and took them to the middle of the living room. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You old rascals, keeping secrets of me after all these years!” The woman scolded the men that were sitting on the couches and armchairs. “How is this even possible?? FREDDIE, DID YOU FROZE YOUR BODY?? You look so young...” she screamed again, feeling comfortable among her husband’s bandmates like it was one of those long tours they endured together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, honey, but the idea is not bad… We should consider that while we can!” Freddie replied. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, think about it… Queen comes back again in 2071 to celebrate the band’s one hundredth anniversary! I can see that on The Sun’s headline!” Roger laughs. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’m sure they still would complain about something…” John completes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s true!” Brian agrees. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>John and Veronica join the men in the living room and Roger starts to explain to Ronnie all that happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So… Freddie came back from the dead?” She asks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Basically, yeah… I think you can say that…” Roger confirmed, tapping Freddie’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And I have never felt more alive, darlings…” Freddie says, serving them some cheese and crackers. “What is next?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not like we can make an official announcement… Can we?” Brian said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We could, but we shouldn’t… It’s gonna cause a big frenzi..” Roger said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re too old for that!” Peter, Brian and John said in unison, causing a big laugh on the others. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You old rugs!! I’m still as fresh as I can be…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“At the age of seventy-five? Oh-kay…” Peter mocked Freddie. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Bitch!” Freddie fake-sneezed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minutes later, when they were in the garden laughing and sharing the last bottle of wine, Brian’s phone rang.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brian?? Again?? I need to know what’s happening, ‘cause everytime I need my husband home, he either disappears somewhere around the world or sneaks out to simply stay away from me…” There was bitterness and hurt on her tone, Brian felt each drop of pain. He then left his friends behind and walked back inside the kitchen, where they could talk privately. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Anita, my love… I’m not running away from you, I love you more than anything, it’s just…” he said, trying to reason what he would tell her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just that I’m not enough, right?? I’m not young and beautiful anymore, so you get bored easily…” Anita says with a teary, weakened voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Love, there’s no one but you, no one!” He said, feeling a lump growing on his throat, he was about to cry. “Let me pick you up, bring you here, I want you to be part of this…” He said in a low tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Here where, for what, Bri? I need you here, I’m  so alone…” Anita said, not waiting for an answer before she turned off the phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Brian sprinted out of the house looking stressed, leaving his friends behind with only confusion in their minds.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Brimi, where are you going?” Freddie yells.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Save my marriage!” He responds. Again, he adds as an afterthought, leaving the Garden Lodge and getting into his car. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That bitch messed up again…” Freddie says to the others, rolling his eyes to one more of Brian’s misunderstandings. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brian drove home as carefully and as fast as he could, anxious to put an end to the lies and excuses and lies and finally show Anita why he hadn’t been home as he should, leaving her with the responsibilities of ruling the place, something they always shared when he was not touring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he arrived home, he ran upstairs to find Anita in their bedroom, already preparing to leave, angrily packing a luggage with some basic necessities. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” He asks, stopping by the doorway, afraid to make a next move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m leaving. I don’t know where yet, all my life is stuck here, but I can’t stay anymore…” Anita turned to look at him, her face had tear stains, old and new ones, she looked like her hasn’t sleep in a long time, Brian felt  the guilt of not acknowledging  her pain growing on his stomach, aching hard on him. He had to fight if he wanted to keep her in his life, even though he didn’t know the direction his life was taking anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. No, Anita, you’re not leaving!” Brian said, running at his wife’s direction and holding her in his arms. “You’re not leaving, I need you to help me, you need to see the Garden, there’s life there, my love, there’s so much you need to see to believe. Please…” He cried out, begging her for a chance, firmly holding her and kissing the top of her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You promised me I wouldn’t be alone… You promised me there wouldn’t be secrets, AND STILL, HERE WE ARE!” She cried on his arms. “I love you, I love us, we grew so much together, but I can’t fight anymore…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come with me, love, leave these things here, we need to leave…” Brian hummed, as calmly as his racing heart allowed him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where? To the garden, face the same ghosts that have haunted us for so long?? Why?? Because you can’t let things go? I can’t go back to that, Brian. I love you, but I can’t do that…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I already asked so much from you, and have been my rock since the very beginning, you, my darling, you are my everything. And exactly because of that, I need to share this moment with you, and I apologize that it took me so long, to see that you deserve to be there as much as I do, you deserve the happiness I feel there, because it’s so alive… The Garden is alive again…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anita’s head was spinning with doubt and hope. She saw sincerity and love in her husband’s eyes, and after holding him closer for a passionate kiss, and then another, and another, standing on her toes to reach him higher, feeling his firm embrace around her waist, she agreed to go with him to wherever he would take her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they approached the huge mansion, a strange feeling came over Anita, something she could not describe, peace, perhaps, but at the same time not. It was like going back in time and feeling guilty, like the first time Brian took her there, before his first marriage ended. But this time it was different, she is Brian's wife, what she is invading now is something that does not belong to her, that she does not deserve to know, or that she thinks she does not deserve to know... Hard to explain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The high walls of the mansion stood out in the distance, Brian smiled at his wife without taking his attention off the road he knew so well. When he finally parked next to the mansion, he saw how tense his wife was. Brian held Anita's hand and they just thought in silence for a few minutes how much history they had lived there. From secret lovers in Los Angeles to short escapades carefully concealed by Freddie, to now married, returning there after so many years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you ready?” Brian whispered loud enough for her to hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll never know if we don't get in, will I?" Anita murmured. "You are with me, that's all I need…” She looked at Brian once more before opening the door and leaving, without waiting for his usual chivalry, heading quickly for the mansion's gate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>In front of the iron door, Brian stood behind his wife, taking care to open the door so she could enter first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anita was amazed by the state of the place, the visible carelessness with the plants of now was never the normal of that place, always so neat and full of life until the beginning of the nineties. As it was strange that her last memory there was almost thirty years ago, the years passed quickly, and among so many comings and goings that was the last place where she thought she would find herself again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The benches in the huge garden looked like they had been used recently, but that initially escaped Anita's mind, what caught her attention was the buzz coming from inside the house, loud and familiar laughter, life. The life that had left that place almost thirty years ago ...</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Attentive to her movements, Brian followed Anita like a shadow in the midday sun, paying close attention to all her reactions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Lets go in?" She asked quietly, watching him over her shoulder. "Only when you want to!" Brian replied, resting a hand on his wife's waist, watching closely when she didn't wait for confirmation and slowly opened the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, all the laughter stopped, the stories were interrupted in the middle. Anita stared in astonishment at the people she met in the huge living room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Anita!!" Freddie smiled when he recognized her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thin woman Brian had brought with him almost fell over hearing Freddie, looking at him carefully to make sure she wasn't in front of a mirage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"F-Freddie??" Anita called him, still not sure that she would get an answer. None of that seemed possible. Freddie Mercury is alive, and younger than all his friends. Even John was there, which in itself could already be considered a miracle. Even Jim Hutton was there. Embracing your husband as he should have always been. Regaining her composure, Anita ran to meet her friends, hugging Freddie first, staring at him in wonder at how well he looked. That was not the Freddie she visited in the last days of her life, but the one who introduced her to the great love of her life. "Freddie!" She shouted, smiling at her friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anita, my love, look at you!!” Freddie held her for a hug. “You look fantastic, darling… It’s so good to see you!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh darling, I missed you so much! I missed you each and every day, I…” Anita started crying, being held by Freddie and Brian. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, Anita… I know…” Freddie murmured slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the shock was dissipating, Anita looked again at her friend, then at her husband.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm glad this is what you were hiding from me, Brian Harold May, consider yourself forgiven!" The woman quipped, making everyone present laugh at the same time, except Brian.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Love, I’ve begged you for forgiveness more than a couple of times…” Brian spoke, feeling his face flush.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I hope he's treating you well, my love ..." Freddie asked, teasing Brian.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had our moments… but look at this!!” She replied, showing Freddie the ring Brian gave her when they finally got married.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, this is not cheap! Good job, Brimi!” Freddie took Anita's hand and smiled when he saw the initials etched into the gold metal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everything was exactly as Anita remembered her last visit to the Garden Lodge, years ago, when she and Brian still had a good relationship with the place's heiress, but that was more than a decade ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voices, the laughter, everything she loved most about being part of Brian's life was there, his friends, people who helped them at different times in his life, but that for a long time, Brian kept away, because he couldn't cope with the lack of the most present of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come here, my friend, join us." Freddie spoke, offering her and Brian a place at one of the sofas, John and Veronica were on chairs brought from the dining table, Peter, Jim and Roger were on a three-seat sofa with Freddie and Brian and Anita settling in on the other seat, all around the coffee table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brian quickly noted that the table had been filled with bottles of drinks and snacks. "You started the party early…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We tried to wait for you, I swear ..." Roger replied, his face already slightly flushed by the alcohol.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>The group had so much to catch up on, Anita was delighted that John and Veronica were among them, and even more delighted to be able to see that Freddie and Jim didn’t change how they treated each other. And as much as there was still a lot of strangeness and many questions in the air, the interactions flowed with the same naturality of decades ago, and she felt welcomed among them, she was no longer a stain of infidelity in Brian's history, a bad reminder and not welcome among the wives, today she is the only one, the one chosen by him, and all the times that Freddie advised her not to give up on that love seemed to have been worth it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>**</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few drinks later, Brian was visibly moved by everything, slowly absorbing everything that had happened in the last 2 days (or would it be 3?). From the unexpected phone call on any cold morning to the naturalness with which Freddie handled each encounter, as if he was just having a few friends over his house for an intimate dinner or something. Brian wished, once again, to have his friend's haughty personality, always with quick and fearless reactions, while Brian struggled to assimilate things without getting emotionally lost.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s bothering you, Brimi?? Don’t get too much inside your thoughts, nothing here is making sense to anyone…” Freddie murmured so only his friend could hear him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing worth sharing, Freddie. I get lost in memories from time to time…” Brian replied, murmuring in Freddie’s ears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You do that since we met, it’s not new for me… Just don’t get too lost, I’m here for you and this…”  Freddie circled his finger showing the people around them; “This right here is a memory worth living…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brian nodded, trying his best to keep his mind in the present, because he agreed with Freddie, that moment was too precious to be wasted, and he had to cherish and savour every second of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brian held his wife’s waist and smiled at her, kissing her lips. “Thanks for coming with me…” He whispered to Anita. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for bringing me here…” She replied, kissing him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
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